Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Five Years and Goodbye

Five years ago today, the GLORY!blog began. You saw our desperate days--one of us in Texas and one in Mississippi. You saw our meager one and two week vacations together. You followed us to Disney World. You saw Noby move me to Texas so that the glorious duo could live in sin. You watched us get married, leave Texas, and drive another Penske to Alabama. Through it all, we brought you the photos and the jokes. Seems like a good time to end this thing. We're still spreading the joy, you just won't find it in this particular place on the internet except in archive form. Goodbye, GLORY!bloggers.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Yo Mama Jokes

Yo mama is so fat that, at the end of an eight week period, she didn't achieve her weight loss goal.

Yo mama is so stupid, when she re-entered the mall parking lot, she had forgotten exactly which lane she parked her car in.

Yo mama is so lazy, after a hard day of work she likes to watch a little TV or read a magazine before tidying up the house.

Yo mama is so skinny, she feels that the low-calorie menu options at restaurants serve appropriate portions.

Yo mama is so poor, she decides to wait until new technological gadgets go down in price before purchasing them.

Yo mama is so tall, she was able to put the star on the Christmas tree without her husband's help.

Yo mama is so nasty, she'll wash her hands after going to the bathroom without using the hand soap.

Yo mama is so ugly, she once tried out for the part of the pretty girl in a movie and was told she wasn't exactly what the director was looking for.

Yo mama is so short, she sometimes has to ask grocery store clerks for assistance in retrieving top shelf items.

Yo mama is so old, she heard a new song, popular among teenagers, and thought it wasn't as enjoyable as the music she grew up with.

Yo mama's glasses are so thick that she is advised by her ophthalmologist to wear them while driving at night.

Yo mama's nose is so big that if she crosses her eyes and looks down, she can actually see it.

Yo mama's chest is so flat, she's able, with little difficulty, to jog without wearing a sports bra.

Yo mama's butt is so huge, when she moves past people in a crowded elevator, it's been known to graze them.

Yo mama is so stinky that when she isn't able to shower in the morning, she applies a little extra deodorant before she leaves for work.

Yo mama is so hairy, she sometimes wears jeans instead of a skirt if she doesn't have an opportunity to shave her legs.

Yo mama is so promiscuous, when her husband initiated sex on their first anniversary, she yielded with little resistance.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Scandalous or Not Scandalous?

It's time to play "Scandalous or Not Scandalous." First I'll show you a picture, then I'll tell you if it's scandalous or not. All of these pictures might be considered "sexy," but only one is considered scandalous: dirty, forbidden, taboo, newsworthy, that which one does not do, etc. Let's play!



NOT SCANDALOUS


NOT SCANDALOUS


NOT SCANDALOUS


NOT SCANDALOUS


NOT SCANDALOUS


SCANDALOUS!

Okay, okay, look away. Here, I'll make it okay for you with some creative Photoshopping.


NOT SCANDALOUS

I hope you enjoyed the game. For more information, see this article.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Glory!blog Throwback, Now Made Without High Fructose Corn Syrup

We went to the graveyard and I did my skateboarder pose.



Rusty met me in San Antonio and we ate dinner at the Tower of the Americas, which is larger than the Space Needle.



We once went mini-golfing on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. I believe this place later went the way of Katrina.



Once I met Noby for the first time at Tommy's apartment.



Rusty channeled his inner politician.



We sat on Jeremy Lespi's porch.



Our shoes rode the WedWay in Disneyworld.



We had Oktoberfest in Rusty's Edinburg apartment



We visited Elvis's house.



Popeye met his match.



Got some Pia-Love



My hair looked nice



The Rusty Spell Dot Com Fairy showed up.



We moved.



I grabbed this guy's butt.



There was a drum cake.


Et cetera.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Droopy Dog Dog Happiness



Another picture I drew for you to be happy about. Notice the formless construction.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Beavis and Butt-Head and Happiness

One day when I have some time and feel like it, I want to record me doing some impressions of different characters, put the recording online, and pair it up with drawings of those characters. For now, here's a picture I drew of Beavis and Butt-Head, the characters I am able to sound the most like--probably because I'm a dumbass.



Lest I forget, the mission of the GLORY!blog is to spread the joy, so whenever I think of some little thing to make everyone slightly more happy, I'll put it up. Beavis and Butt-Head make me happy. Maybe they make you happy too. Maybe you should go watch them right now. Get off the sad internet and watch happy Beavis.

So happy things. Because... Jesus H!

You know those documentaries and crap about the Great Depression and how the Three Little Pigs' "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?" became an anthem for that period? Maybe now we'll have rampant happiness to combat the New Depression. Maybe the new Disney will come along.

(Note: I actually think that people are full of crap who say that audiences responded to "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?" because they compared the wolf to the depression itself.)



I didn't draw this one. John K did. He makes me happy

WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY!

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Trendy and Popular Baby Names

Carrie and Rusty have researched the baby names that are projected to be the trendiest and most popular over the next five years for middle-class whites. Here is a list of what we found, for those of you who want to be on the cutting edge of baby-naming.

Ann-Taylor

Appelette

Ashlette

Aubyrn

Austere

Avon

Ayvla

Bayleighf

Birmingham

Brandeigh

Brandywine

Brant

Broughton

Bristle

Brocade

Caleb-Deschanel

Caraway

Cartier

Carton

Cartwheel

Chants

Charmine

Chasety

Chasey Lain

Chastilly

Childe

Childer

Coltrane

Condor

Cottonelle

Crate

Crater

Crayton

Craytonbarrel

Crawdad

Cum

Dawlton

Ether

Finda

Gauge

Glynne-Dean

Gravey

Haytum

Humveigh

Hunt

Ikea

Jakolb

Jaundyce

Jurney

Jury

Kateigh

Kelleighia

Lintelle

Lodon

Maidison

Maidenne

Naim

Paddington

Peytron

Pillage

Plantation

Prestock

Princeton

Princess Cut Diamond Engagement Ring

Pristina

Pritchett

Rhinston

Rhythmme

Ruperock

Rydder-Truk

Ryebredd

Shaylynne

Shay Manning

Shynnford

Squirt

Teller

Thistle

Traytor

Trelsey

Truckly

Virginity

Xanther

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

All the Coolest People Smoke (Masculine Edition)



C.S. Lewis


Martin Tielli


Sigmund Freud


Stephin Merritt


Kurt Vonnegut


John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Ringo Starr


Harold Pinter


P.T. Anderson


Serge Gainsbourg


David Lynch, Birthday Boy


President Barack Obama

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Christmas in Miami

We all gathered for Christmas in Miami again. Some kids were throwing each other around the family room on Christmas Eve until Aunt Mary finally said it was okay to open presents . . .


But then Uncle Leonard made them wait as each family group took their yearly stand-in-front-of-the-tree photo, and made sure that each family member's camera got a shot, so it was probably a good 45 minutes later before the kids got loaded up on Power Ranger toys and we all got to say, again, that they made out like bandits.

(I'm using this Blogger picture uploading thing, by the way, so you can click the pictures to make them huge.)
Christmas is always the same when you're old. Only the clothes change really . . .



Mom got her knives.





Grandma Strick came over.




Dad got his special golf ball finding glasses.



Rusty found the golf ball.



I stole some dark chocolate.




Rusty and I read Harold Pinter (pause, grieve) and Truman Capote outside. We ate the the poo poo platter. When I got to the end of the book, I learned that the family got killed.


Later on, we all dressed alike.

Pajama Party with the Glasses Brigade




Guaranteed Comedy Duo



We finally got to eat the top of our wedding cake.




Practicing what I learned from In Cold Blood.

I guess the anniversary tradition isn't the same when you're wearing your pajamas and sharing it with your parents a half a year late because it was in their freezer all that time.

And the Len Man celebrated it all with a dirty stick and Miami Dolphins cup, showing here: