Monday, December 29, 2008

Rusty, Duly Humiliated

The winner of the Campaign to Humiliate Rusty Challenge is Mr. Jason B. Bell, who sends us this photo of Rusty perpetually vomiting his own head.

Congratulations, Jason. Your prize is forthcoming.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Big Fun Christmas Post

We've got the house decorated and we won't be deterred from Christmas, no matter how much Auburn University or the neighbors who still have pumpkin decorations might try to dissuade us.

Our new house comes ready-made for Christmas decorating with holly bushes out front and in the backyard.

Tree's been up since just after Thanksgiving. This is our new friend, shaped like a treble clef.

. . . and now click for a guided tour of the tree with some hillbilly music.

The tree was so awesome that Santa Claus showed up early.

Daddy, is Santa really one hundred and fifteen pounds?

And Santa's elfin friend was here; she ate all the cookies.

Santa left behind an awesome banjo for Rusty to open.

Fun Christmas Fact! The original word for this instrument was bandore--but through slaves' pronunciation, the word became "corrupted" and takes the form we now know: banjo. Some historical references from the Oxford English Dictionary:

  • 1774 P. V. Fithian Jrnl. (1900) "In the School-Room, several Negroes & Ben & Harry are playing on a Banjo & dancing."

  • c1790 Dibdin Sea-songs (title), "The Negro and his Banjer."

  • 1801 M. Edgeworth Belinda II. xviii. 7 "‘What is this, mamma?—It is not a guitar, is it?’ ‘No, my dear, it is called a banjore; it is an African instrument, of which the negroes are particularly fond.’"

  • a1845 Negro Melodies (in Bartlett), "Dey dance all night to de ole banjo, Wid a cornstalk fiddle, and a shoe-string bow."

(Stanley, where's my stuffed animal?)

This banjo is called the Goodtimes 2. It has a resonator for extra lovely sound. Pretty good for a surprise present.

Rusty gets on it for one night, having never held a banjo before. He looks at a couple of chords online and has the whole thing figured out. He's amazing, folks. Watch him.

Ever since he started playing, in fact, we've been transported back to the turn of the century. Our digital pictures turned into tintypes.

I, on the other hand, was brought into the technological future by Santa's present, my new Dell Studio Hybrid with a bamboo sleeve.

It's a piece of art, only about the size of a Norton anthology, and it saves the environment by using 70% less power than other desktops. Now I can do whatever I want without hearing the computer grind to a halt because I have two windows open.

And, hey, remember these kids from 2003?

Yeah, they're still just that happy. I love you, Rusty.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Kidnap the Sandy Claws

Jack Skellington as Sandy Claws

Or: me as Santa Claus if I were slightly more gay.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Howdy Ho!

My second Christmas character is small and brown and comes from you:

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo

"It sure is lookin' Christmasy around here...

... Kyyyyle."

Monday, December 15, 2008

Nestor Was a Donkey...

I drew a lot of Christmas pictures the other day (for mysterious reasons!) and decided that I would color some of them and share them with you, the GLORY!fans. I'll put them up as I feel like it, until I get bored or leave for Christmas in Miami.

Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey

Here's everyone's favorite grey-colored Christmas character Nestor: the amalgam of Rudolph, Dumbo, Bambi, and the Rudolph's Shiny New Year's Baby. He was Jesus' ass.

Here he is even happier:

Watch it here for those who haven't experienced the weirdness.

"Let me ride that donkey donkey. Hey, let me ride that donkey donkey" --Joseph and Mary

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Entry Part Deux

This caption just in from Ted Rooney, most famous for being the husband of country singer Loretta Rooney, a lady who knows her funeral food! Ted is also well known for eating the most crabs at the Beverly Cleary Elementary crab boil! Here's his entry, folks!

"The dark reality of impending mid-life comes home to roost via the probing finger of Rusty's enthusiastically thorough general practitioner...or just enthusiastic GP."

Monday, December 08, 2008

The First Entry in the Humiliate Rusty Challenge

Derek from Auburn! sends us this:

Caption: "Excellent! Now I can fling poo from 5,000 feet!!!"

I encourage everyone to keep sending in your entries. Rusty has known some of you turkey-necks since the eighth grade, and he's only known Derek for a few months, so it's time for you people to step up to the plate . . . so send your entries to me at carrie at carriehoffman dot com. J.Todd? Noby? Jason? Lori?

Monday, December 01, 2008


I feel that Rusty's last post was inappropriate; it was like that time Rusty and Tommy walked around the mall doing Bill Cosby impressions, and a woman had to walk up to them to say, "You're insulting. Very insulting."

Rusty deserves some public humiliation, so I'm creating a contest. Creatively photoshop or create a caption for this picture:

The caption or creative photoshop that most chastises Rusty, humiliating and disciplining him as he deserves, will win a special Christmas prize. Post as comments or send them to me by e-mail at carrie at carriehoffman dot com.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Who Needs To Go Potty?

In honor of our not going to the MLA Convention this year, here are some cute folksy bathroom signs I made.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

We Love

In case it's been a while since you've seen the most beautiful woman and the luckiest guy:

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Bork Bork Bork

As you can see, I went as the slutty Swedish Chef for Halloween.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Elephant Donkey Boxing

Those who turned to the GLORY!blog for political commentary this season must have been disappointed. Sorry. Guess you should just click the picture below to read our post from four years ago, when we were more cynical, more funny, and more potty-mouthed.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

It's Time For Treats

Happy Halloween, GLORY!fans! Peruse the Halloween fun we've had thus far.

This is my big pumpkin. His name is Earl. Someone punched him in the eye because they didn't like his purple jacket.

And this is Howard, my little pumpkin. His scar cries nightly.

Rusty's monstrous Dracula-woman.

And . . . some guy named Chuck.

This isn't apropos of Halloween, but we ordered our future tombstone. Thought you'd want to see that.

This is how Target gets all of its money in troubled economic times. They put our name on some piece of crap and we buy. No, it will never get old.

Old Pumpkin Row

This is my so-called scary look.

I like to draw on food, put it on my head, and then toss it in the garbage on November first.

Rusty says if I don't start making out with him more often, he's going to cut a hole in his pumpkin woman and stick his tongue in her.

By the way, Rusty is wearing his professor costume.

I display our Halloween bounty. We're lucky we had it since, apparently, Auburn residents declare trick-or-treating happens when it's convenient and started ringing the ding-dong bell a night early.

I, too, like to dig into some Halloween Laffy Taffy.

The Great Halloween Choke.

This isn't my costume, but I like the classiness of this mask.

See how classy?

It is truly classy.

Some old man got in the house and I didn't like it.

But, truly, the scariest thing this season is the McCain-Palin sign across the street!