Sunday, December 16, 2007

Christmas Lights Are Twinkling, Presents are Wrapped, Stockings are Filled, Snow is Falling Somewhere Else, and Me and My Baby Are Sleeping 'Til Noon

If you ever want to write a Christmas song, all you have to do is describe Christmas in basic sentences. Here's one called "My Christmastime Philosophy," from the American Song Poem Christmas: Daddy Is Santa Really Six Foot Four album, which is the soundtrack of this post below.

Rusty and Carrie's Christmas Preparations in Story Form


Once there were two humans named Rusty and Carrie who had Christmas stockings filled with goodies. Rusty's name was on his stocking, and Carrie--who was handy with computers for a girl--was able to put her name digitally on hers.



They were full of the Christmas spirit in 2007. They knew the year because Rusty gave Carrie, who he called Bunny, a Christmas ornament with the date on it. She had already opened it because they celebrated Christmas in stages.



They also knew how many days until Christmas it was, because Santa Claus told them.



They always remembered the true reason for the season, especially this year because Carrie bought Rusty a toy nativity set from Target, a place they went to blow large wads of cash. Blowing large wads of cash seemed to be the reason for the season, although they sometimes had a hunch that there was some other reason. At any rate, Rusty was very talented at setting up the nativity.



Rusty is interested in Bible Stories, and his favorite one is when, just after the magi bring gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh to the infant Savior, Valentine Snoopy pops into Bethlehem to give the Virgin Mary a kiss. Few remember that in the Old Testament, R2D2 is on the scene to help make sure there's enough straw in the manger.



Rusty also re-enacted the not-very-well-known story of how the Baby Jesus had to fight off an evil ninja.



Then Rusty and Carrie also decked out their classiest graduation and wedding presents, and were proud to show them to their internet friends.



For many years, Carrie and Rusty had been collecting Christmas tree ornaments while on vacation. It may have seemed strange to be buying things in July and August, but once December came around, it was all worth it, giving them happy reminders of where they had traveled that year and in previous years. They also thought ornaments were the best souvenirs because they didn't clutter or junk-ify the house for the rest of the year. Carrie and Rusty were proud of their small collection, which made a very handsome and festive tree. They had a glass balls from Graceland and Universal Studios, a small cable car from San Francisco where Carrie's brother lives, a gold star from UTPA where they teach, a Coca Cola bottle from a 1950s souvenir store in Missouri where the Wilkinson-Oates duo got married, a cow skull from the Alamo, Las Vegas and Hoover dam ornaments from when they went to see the Slap Happy Sappy blog get married, a mini-Cracker Barrel restaurant from Florida, and two very special ones from that year. They got married on South Beach, where they found a flamingo ball, and they also spent their honeymoon in St. Augustine, where they found a wooden bride and groom ornament.



Christmas is a special time for eating ham and sitting on couches. That's our Christmastime philosophy.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Little Green Christmas Light

Click on the image below to read the Christmas story for children that Carrie and I created.

Warning: Nothing about the story is ironic, subversive, or insincere. Furthermore, it really is intended for children. You've been warned.

Saturday, December 01, 2007