Wednesday, April 25, 2007

New Mic, New Poem

This is our new microphone (and new interface in the background):

This is our new microphone covered by a monkey sock to prevent P-popping, etc.:

These are different readings of a poem we made up tonight at the kitchen table:

Rusty - British
Carrie - Herself
Rusty - Old Guy
Carrie - Tiny Voice
Rusty - Def Poetry Jam
Carrie - Meow Mix
Rusty - Jazzy
Carrie - Country Girl
Rusty - Beavis and Butt-Head
Carrie - Smacks
Carrie and Rusty - Zombies
Carrie and Rusty - Monkey Sock
Carrie and Rusty - Poem Interpretation
Carrie and Rusty - Post-Poem Randomness

Take that, W.B. Yeats!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

More Reasons To Ditch the Un-Cool Cell Phone

Remember when Albert Einstein said that, if bees disappeared, man would have only four years of life left? Guess what's disappearing!

No one exactly knows the reason why, but we do know that bees don't seem to dig cell phones. They simply won't return to their hives if mobile phones are placed near them. This isn't solid proof of anything, of course, but why risk it? Everyone should wear this T-shirt and spread the word.

This was reported in The Independent yesterday:

"The alarm was first sounded last autumn, but has now hit half of all American states. The West Coast is thought to have lost 60 per cent of its commercial bee population, with 70 per cent missing on the East Coast.

"[It] has since spread to Germany, Switzerland, Spain, Portugal, Italy and Greece. And last week John Chapple, one of London's biggest bee-keepers, announced that 23 of his 40 hives have been abruptly abandoned."

Cell phones suck dick. They do about one good thing by my count: they make it slightly easier to get in touch with someone if you get in trouble. Of course, it used to be easier to get in touch with someone from almost anywhere for only a quarter (that's 25 cents) at a time until the phone booths, like the bees, mysteriously began disappearing. Compare that to the "deal" of 50 bucks a month I heard advertized on TV a few minutes ago.

One minor convenience to this partial list of badness. Only ten things that suck about cellular phones:

1. Anyone can get in touch with you at any time. If you don't know why this is a bad thing, then you have a problem.

2. Another thing to become dependent on and addicted to, like this damn internet. Pair the two together and it's double addiction.

3. Shitty, pixilated photographs.

4. Poor Michael Richards.

5. "Text thumb" and other problems that arise from texting, including an even more loose grip of ones own language.

6. "An official Finnish study found that people who used the phones for more than 10 years were 40 per cent more likely to get a brain tumour on the same side as they held the handset" (The Independent). It is a tumor!

7. "Can you hear me now?" commercials.

8. Cell phones have become the #1 prop in music videos. The fact that they are considered fashion accessories is sad. Oh, and why did we have to watch that chick in Grindhouse text message her bf for fifteen minutes?

9. "Studies in India and the US have raised the possibility that men who use mobile phones heavily have reduced sperm counts" (The Independent). Other small creatures that disappear.

10. "Blue-chip Swedish research revealed that radiation from mobile phones killed off brain cells, suggesting that today's teenagers could go senile in the prime of their lives" (The Independent). This might also be one reason why, when I began teaching here five years ago, my students were brilliant. They wrote papers that amazed me. Now... well, I shouldn't talk about it in public like this.

Let's just save the bees, shall we?

Rusty W. Spell,
Proud Abstainer from Cell Phones Since 1975

Saturday, April 21, 2007

The GLORY!dinner

This is what happens when you return to nature and eat bison burgers for dinner.

Bison Burgers and Dinner Instructions a la Carrie

1 lb ground bison meat from HEB
Worscestire sauce
Onion powder
Season Salt
4 slices tomato
Heinz ketchup
French's Bold 'N Spicy mustard
1 package frozen corn
Nature's Own Whole Wheat Hamburger buns

1. Pre-heat a grill pan over medium heat. Coat with a thin layer of Pam cooking spray.
2. In a bowl, mix ground bison meat with two shakes of Worscestire sauce.
3. Add a dash of the onion powder, season salt, and pepper to taste. Mix again with hands.
4. Form meat into 4 patties.
5. Place patties on heated grill pan and turn with spatula when needed.
6. Toast buns in 350 degree oven until they are just slightly toasty.
7. Cook corn in microwave according to directions on package.
8. Serve burgers on toasted buns with 1 piece of lettuce and one slice of tomato, along with a lil' ketchup and a lil' mustard. Rusty's burger only gets ketchup.
9. Serve corn on side.
10. Make Rusty set up a card table and drag the kitchen chairs outside because you don't have any patio furniture yet.
11. Light a candle
12. Yum, yum
13. Talk about Noby at dinner.
14. Listen to Air Supply.
15. Talk about the neighbors' outdoor lights and how bright they are.
16. Rusty and Carrie like each other.
17. We ordered wedding invitations today.
18. Take lots of photos at dinner.
19. The birdhouse windchimes are nice.
20. It's a good thing we got rid of five wasp's nests on Friday.

Friday, April 13, 2007

AmeriCone Dream

I hope it doesn't make me a nerd to get Carrie to take pictures of me with Stephen Colbert's ice cream while posing in front of his TV show.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

The Easter Bunny Brought Us Fun Things

We decorated the Flamingo Ave house all pretty for Easter Sunday. Rusty doesn't like the phrase "Easter Sunday" because it's a bit too much like saying "plate lunch," but too bad for him.

Here's our shelf of fun.

We also watched It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown, which was admittedly boring. But our Peanuts-themed stuffed animals, a gift last year from my mom, weren't boring. Guess which one is Rusty's and which one is Carrie's.

The Easter Bunny came early this year because he wanted us to have fun with sugar and toys through the weekend. Rusty got some bubble gum, marshmallow bunnies, Reese's eggs, and Reese's cups, a Yosemite Sam card (all unpictured), along with some lambs and Spiderman eggs (pictured below).

I got a wind-up walking egg, a blue plastic bunny, Reese's cups, a Reese's Egg, and an "It's Bunny Time" card (all unpictured).

We ate turkey, peas, and rice and had a generally good time. I wore my annual Honey Bunny t-shirt.

We dyed eggs again, and this year our egg dye came with puffy paint. So we paid tribute to our upcoming wedding.

But, best of all, the Easter Bunny gave us all a new special little someone to cuddle at holidays. My brand new nephew, Jasper, came into the world on Friday. He already knows how to smile.

Jasper likes to be swaddled. I haven't met him yet, but I know he's smart, so smart he already dyed his own Easter egg and wrote his name on it.