Saturday, February 24, 2007
The G.I. Joe Happy Meal
Here are the movies Rusty saw that were released in 2006:
Art School Confidential
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
The Da Vinci Code
An Inconvenient Truth
Lady in the Water
Notes on a Scandal
The Pink Panther
Scary Movie 4
Snakes on a Plane
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts
The Wicker Man
Now here are the winners of the Rusties. They're like the Oscars, only not gay.
Visual Effects: Sony Pictures Imageworks for Superman Returns. Also nominated, Carl's Fine Films for Idlewild.
Makeup: Thomas Kolarek for Borat.
Art Direction: Ben Smith for The Queen.
Costume Design: Susan Matheson for Talladega Nights.
Documentary Feature: The documentary parts of Borat, really, but for full-blown documentary, An Inconvenient Truth.
Cinematography: Paul Sarossy for The Wicker Man. Also nominated, Salvatore Totino for The Da Vinci Code and Affonso Beato for The Queen.
Film Editing: Craig Alpert for Borat.
Music (Score): Philip Glass for Notes on a Scandal.
Music (Song): "Call the Law" from Idlewild.
Actor in a Leading Role: Sacha Baron Cohen for Borat. Also nominated, Michael Sheen for The Queen and Will Farrell for Talladega Nights.
Actor in a Supporting Role: John C. Reiley for Talladega Nights. Also nominted, Jason Bateman for The Break-Up.
Actress in a Leading Role: Judi Dench for Notes on a Scandal. Also nominated, Cate Blanchett for Notes on a Scandal and Helen Mirren for The Queen.
Actress in a Supporting Role: Molly Shannon for Talladega Nights.
Writing (Adapted Screenplay): Patrick Marber for Notes on a Scandal. Also nominated, Sacha Baron Cohen for Borat (since it's apparently considered adapted) and Neil LaBute for The Wicker Man.
Writing (Original Screenplay): Will Ferrell and Adam McKay for Talladega Nights. Also nominated, Peter Morgan for The Queen, Idiocracy.
Directing: Bryan Barber for Idlewild. Also nominated, Larry Charles for Borat and Neil LaBute for The Wicker Man.
Best Picture: Borat. Also nominated, Notes on a Scandal, The Queen, Talladega Nights.
The Barbie Happy Meal
Carrie’s Oscar Fashion Preview
This year I predict that the men will be coming to the Oscars in tuxedos. Call it a hunch. Some will have bowties and some will have the longer neckties, and some of the men will be bored--jealous that they’re not women with fun, colorful, sparkly dresses to choose from--and will go nuts with open collars, scruffy beards, or weird pointy shoes. Eddie Murphy will be one of those guys and will probably screw it up for the men. Will Smith, though, will look handsome and dignified, with his matching wife Jada, his graying hair, and his son, who played his son in The Pursuit of Happyness.
Alan Arkin will look old and will wear a lopsided bowtie.
Mark Wahlberg will drop his Armani pants to show his Calvins underneath.
Leonardo DiCaprio will look like he’s hiding a jelly doughnut somewhere.
Pedro Almodovar will wear an all black tuxedo, including the shirt. His hair will rival David Lynch’s.
Christopher Boyes, nominated for his sound editing on Pirates of the Caribbean, will rent a tux from Men’s Wearhouse and no one will notice.
Sacha Baron Cohen will not attend because no one would allow him to wear his smelly gray Borat suit.
In the end, the best dressed man will be Djimon Hounsou. If he wins the Oscar, they will cut to Sidney Poitier.
This year I predict the women will be wearing dresses, except for Diane Keaton, who will still be re-living her Annie Hall days. And Ellen Degeneres, of course, who thinks that she must wear pant suits at all times. With sneakers because it’s "funny" that way.
Melissa Etheridge, nominated for best original song for An Inconvenient Truth, will also choose a suit and no one will pay attention.
Three of the nominated women in the "Best Actress" category--Judi Dench, Helen Mirren, and Meryl Streep—will probably look exactly as they should look for their age, and will look good, but two will be singled out and ridiculed on the E! channel later. Some bitch with too much plastic surgery and low rider jeans and hair extensions will call them "matronly." Some gay guy will agree and call her look "grandma-chic." But one of these women will be called "a classic" or something like that, which is just as offensive.
Jennifer Hudson will be called "curvy" in the after shows, which means she’s fat.
Bjork will not be attending this year, but she’ll be watching from home in Iceland wearing a Kermit the Frog costume.
Abigail Breslin, the girl from Little Miss Sunshine, will be wearing something atrocious and non-little-girl-esque that her pushy stage mother picked out for her. After the show, Dakota Fanning will call her "a ho."
Kate Winslet will look excellent, but she’s looked excellent at so many of these Oscar shows that it won’t carry her very far.
Penelope Cruz and Cate Blanchett will duke it out for the most beautiful woman: the light Anglo versus the dark, sultry Latina. In the end, Penelope will win after Cate Blanchett wisps away and vanishes in mid-air like the weird fairy nymph she is.
Posted by Rusty Spell at 9:48 PM
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
Over the weekend the GLORY!blog and the Slap Happy Sappy Blog joined forces for some happily-slapped sap-filled glory. We're waiting for all the pictures to come in and for the other blog to start the ball rollin' officially, but be prepared for a fun cross-over.
It won't be as cool as when The Flintstones met The Jetsons, but it probably won't be as gay as when The Critic met The Simpsons.
To whet your appetite, a picture (identities hidden for full effect later):
Posted by Rusty Spell at 8:29 PM