Thursday, June 15, 2006

Surveys are Sweeping the Internet


What is your middle name: Bran Flake

Have you ever hit a deer:
I smacked it right in the face after it came up to
me. I had been feeding it a carrot and it was looking up at me with big, wet
brown eyes, and I could see its little pink tongue as it nibbled on the carrot,
and I just hauled off and smacked it. It shuddered a little bit and then bit me
on the arm. I still have the scar.

Is the paper delivered to your house in the morning?
I get The Observer and
The Times.

What do you do first in the morning?
"It."

What brand is your printer:
I don't have one because it got stolen a few
months ago when my ex-boyfriend broke in my house and took all my electronics.
That fucking bastard. If you're reading this, Stephen, I THINK YOU'RE AN
ASSHOLE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!!! STOP STALKING ME! Anyway, my old one was an HP.

Do you enjoy fighting with people:
It depends.

Is your hair naturally straight or curly:
I don't have hair. I have worn a
wig since the Alopecia set in when I was twelve. It was kind of hard in the
locker room, because the other girls would make fun of me and throw their
tampons at me, but now I see it as a badge of honor. Though it still hurts
sometimes, because I thought they were my friends.

Who was your kindergarten teacher:
I can't remember her name, but she used
to sit me in the corner and make me eat oatmeal when the rest of the class was
having Oreos. It was because I couldn't write the letter 'O.' Sometimes she'd
shove a number two pencil in my ear. I still remember the smell of that
classroom, the mixture of the smell of the heater and the smell of clay and
paste. Life was so innocent then. I'd go back in a second.

What color are your eyes:
Some say brown, but my boyfriend calls them
"chestnut."

Do you have a deep dark secret:
Yes, I'm crying right now about it.

Do you hate your life:
I hate it so much. It's so boring.

Last time you had sex: Stephen came over yesterday and we did it. I
totally regret it, though. STEPHEN IF YOU'RE READING THIS, YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE.
GIVE ME BACK MY PRINTER!!!

Have you ever had surgery: If abortion counts as surgery. Oh, and I had
my wisdom teeth out.

Do you get mad easily: I usually keep all my emotions inside and then, at
night when I'm in bed, I thrash around a little and then I sob until my mom
comes in and asks what's wrong. I always tell her, "Nothing."

Do you drink to get drunk:
Is there any other reason to drink?

What is your biggest pet peeve:
People who use the internet as a
confessional. And people who don't use question marks.

Who should pay on the first date: I don't get to go on many dates because of
STEPHEN. He follows me and starts calling me a slut. GOD STEPHEN! STOP READING
MY PERSONAL BUSINESS!!!! GET A LIFE! AND BRING ME BACK MY PRINTER!!!!

How many years older than you are you willing to date: My limit is 81-year
olds because that's how old my grandfather was when he died.

Do u have any friends:
Just my kitty. But she died a year ago. I love you,
Kitten Breath.

Do you have any mean friends:
My kitty Kitten Breath was really mean. She
once peed on Stephen when she was jealous.

What is the ugliest color in your opinion:
Blue. I fucking hate blue. It
reminds me of my father.

Have you ever been fired from a job:
Yeah, but it wasn't my fault. I had a
class that met at the same time I was supposed to be at work and they fired me
for not coming in.

When was the last time you slept in someone else's bed: Yesterday, when I
woke up in Stephen's bed. I couldn't even remember how I had gotten there. I
guess I was totally drunk!

What brand are the pant/jeans are you wearing?
I'm not wearing any! HAHAHAH!

How tall are you:
5'8"

What is on your feet:
There's a tarantula sitting on my foot. I really hope
it goes away.

Do you want to have kids:
I want a boy so I can name it Paul.

Stupidest movie you ever saw:
Dancer in the Dark. What a dumb bitch.

Do you look like your dad:
I never met my father so I wouldn't know.

Do you have any TV shows on DVD: Just Dr. 90210. But I really
prefer to watch TV shows on TV because then you get to see the funny
commercials.

Are you wearing makeup:
Yes!

Do you have a tattoo:
I have Stephen's name on my inner thigh. And a fairy
on my lower back.

You win the lottery, you'll:
Pay off my credit card!!

Who is your hero:
My mom. Totally. She's bulimic and it's been a real
struggle for her.

What do you do when you are stressed out:
Have sex with Stephen. But I
always regret it. Oh, and I cut myself.

Is there any animal that creeps you out:
Frogs