Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Wilfred Brimley and Shannon Doherty

Listen to this while reading. Seriously.

We got a house! Whenever we go to the prom or other important events, we'll take pictures in front of it, usually with the car. Rusty likes the palm tree. We're talking them into getting us new grass.

The house is on Flamingo Avenue (hells yeah) in McAllen. We're definitely getting some pink flamingoes for our yard. We live in the perfect part of town, near Target, the HEB gro-ro store (home of pretty pictures of Carrie with produce), the Barnes & Noble, and of course Rusty's media store, Hastings. Everything's not a 15 minute drive any more... except maybe work.

Carrie's favorite feature of the house is the door. It invites you in, weary traveller...

... to the foyer (pronounced "fo-yay"). Don't mind Painty Can Flanders in the corner. (Pardon our progress.) Anyway, we're rich now cause we have a foyer and a two-car garage. If you look closely (and you can't), you can see little flower designs in the tile.

Our living room, where we pay more for digital cable than for electricity. The door on the right is the only view you'll get here of the master bedroom, "where the magic happens."

70s-style high ceilings with brown wooden beams and a fan. We plan on playing lots of basketball in here.

The dining area, where we play German board games with Noby. Note the cool shape of the wall where the window is and the ghost pines for her lover.

The kitchen, where Alex P. Keaton discusses his problems of the week. That big space on the wall will soon be filled with the fancy new fridge (we always call it a fridge) we bought with the side-by-side freezer and fridge doors (you know, the fancy kind) with a fancy ice and water dispenser on the outside. Something fancy. We also bought a washer and dryer which go in that hidden room there on the side. We're rich now.

The extra door in the bathroom is so one can take dumps while one brushes one's teeth.

Where the magic really happens.

Future home of Love and Letters Studios. Carrie looks jealously at Rusty's built-in desk and cool closets (and window you can't see). But never fear: she will have her own room too: THE HOFFICE! (Note: The Hoffice also converts into a guest room.)

All of our ceiling fans have their PhDs.

Some backyard vegetation. The trees will be filled with the Edinbirds that follow us to McAllen.

Some cactus in the back so Carrie can get her daily prick.

Garbage Row.

Watch as supermodel Carrie Hoffman shows off our new gerbage can. "Where's the gerbage?" indeed!

Our house comes free with a dirty tennis ball.

Thanks, Sandra! We love you.

If anyone wants to visit, The Hoffice is waiting for you.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Not To Be Outdone

Following the recent trend, Noby started his own blog, dedicating it to his one main love: his loneliness. You can read all about the lonely soul of Nobers at The Lonely, Lonely, Depressingly Lonely Blog (a blog that is lonely). Go visit the Lonesome Man.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I'm So Slap Happy Sappy

It was bound to happen eventually: the second site in the "glory" genre... Tommy & Melissa's Slap Happy Sappy Blog. We at the glory of glories are interested in this new development in gloryness, and we're glad T&M can take up some of our bunny slack while we're in the process of moving.

You two are so cute that puking will be involved.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Surveys are Sweeping the Internet

What is your middle name: Bran Flake

Have you ever hit a deer:
I smacked it right in the face after it came up to
me. I had been feeding it a carrot and it was looking up at me with big, wet
brown eyes, and I could see its little pink tongue as it nibbled on the carrot,
and I just hauled off and smacked it. It shuddered a little bit and then bit me
on the arm. I still have the scar.

Is the paper delivered to your house in the morning?
I get The Observer and
The Times.

What do you do first in the morning?

What brand is your printer:
I don't have one because it got stolen a few
months ago when my ex-boyfriend broke in my house and took all my electronics.
That fucking bastard. If you're reading this, Stephen, I THINK YOU'RE AN
ASSHOLE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!!! STOP STALKING ME! Anyway, my old one was an HP.

Do you enjoy fighting with people:
It depends.

Is your hair naturally straight or curly:
I don't have hair. I have worn a
wig since the Alopecia set in when I was twelve. It was kind of hard in the
locker room, because the other girls would make fun of me and throw their
tampons at me, but now I see it as a badge of honor. Though it still hurts
sometimes, because I thought they were my friends.

Who was your kindergarten teacher:
I can't remember her name, but she used
to sit me in the corner and make me eat oatmeal when the rest of the class was
having Oreos. It was because I couldn't write the letter 'O.' Sometimes she'd
shove a number two pencil in my ear. I still remember the smell of that
classroom, the mixture of the smell of the heater and the smell of clay and
paste. Life was so innocent then. I'd go back in a second.

What color are your eyes:
Some say brown, but my boyfriend calls them

Do you have a deep dark secret:
Yes, I'm crying right now about it.

Do you hate your life:
I hate it so much. It's so boring.

Last time you had sex: Stephen came over yesterday and we did it. I

Have you ever had surgery: If abortion counts as surgery. Oh, and I had
my wisdom teeth out.

Do you get mad easily: I usually keep all my emotions inside and then, at
night when I'm in bed, I thrash around a little and then I sob until my mom
comes in and asks what's wrong. I always tell her, "Nothing."

Do you drink to get drunk:
Is there any other reason to drink?

What is your biggest pet peeve:
People who use the internet as a
confessional. And people who don't use question marks.

Who should pay on the first date: I don't get to go on many dates because of
STEPHEN. He follows me and starts calling me a slut. GOD STEPHEN! STOP READING

How many years older than you are you willing to date: My limit is 81-year
olds because that's how old my grandfather was when he died.

Do u have any friends:
Just my kitty. But she died a year ago. I love you,
Kitten Breath.

Do you have any mean friends:
My kitty Kitten Breath was really mean. She
once peed on Stephen when she was jealous.

What is the ugliest color in your opinion:
Blue. I fucking hate blue. It
reminds me of my father.

Have you ever been fired from a job:
Yeah, but it wasn't my fault. I had a
class that met at the same time I was supposed to be at work and they fired me
for not coming in.

When was the last time you slept in someone else's bed: Yesterday, when I
woke up in Stephen's bed. I couldn't even remember how I had gotten there. I
guess I was totally drunk!

What brand are the pant/jeans are you wearing?
I'm not wearing any! HAHAHAH!

How tall are you:

What is on your feet:
There's a tarantula sitting on my foot. I really hope
it goes away.

Do you want to have kids:
I want a boy so I can name it Paul.

Stupidest movie you ever saw:
Dancer in the Dark. What a dumb bitch.

Do you look like your dad:
I never met my father so I wouldn't know.

Do you have any TV shows on DVD: Just Dr. 90210. But I really
prefer to watch TV shows on TV because then you get to see the funny

Are you wearing makeup:

Do you have a tattoo:
I have Stephen's name on my inner thigh. And a fairy
on my lower back.

You win the lottery, you'll:
Pay off my credit card!!

Who is your hero:
My mom. Totally. She's bulimic and it's been a real
struggle for her.

What do you do when you are stressed out:
Have sex with Stephen. But I
always regret it. Oh, and I cut myself.

Is there any animal that creeps you out:

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Carrie Left Me... (but only for four days)

She went to a literary conference in Los Angeles last Thursday because she's a dork now. She'll be back on Sunday. I've consoled myself by buying four albums.

I got Queen's A Night at the Opera. We'll see if I like it better the second listen.

The 2 Live Crew's As Nasty as They Wanna Be, a classic, though I wrongly thought that all their hit songs were on the one album. I miss "Throw the D" and "Hey, We Want Some Pussy." That's them, right? Oh yeah, and it is The 2 Live Crew. I never knew about the the. Well, I knew about The The, that other band, but not the the in The 2 Live Crew.

The best of Huey Lewis and the News because it was used and all used CDs were 30% off, so I got it for like 4 bucks. I've gotten in a mood lately where, if enough time passes (at least 10 years, though 20 helps), I like things that I didn't originally like when I heard them on the radio. Two decades and I can fully enjoy "Stuck With You."

And, most importantly, Debbie Gibson's greatest hits. Turns out I like every one of her singles. And she has a nice ass. See?

Upcoming posts will inform you on our housing situation, how the media consolidation is going, swimming pool bobbin', and the previously-mentioned decisions about toilet paper.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006


We know you've all been waiting for our big announcement and it's finally here! We officially announce to all our gloryreaders that I got a job as a lecturer at The University of Texas-Pan American, where Rusty already teaches! I accepted the offer today. This is what Dr. Hoffman and Dr. Spell will look like, boo-booing around the campus.

Stay tuned for posts about Rusty taking me to get my faculty parking sticker and about eating at taquerias and about our arguments over what toilet paper to buy. And keep reading for our even bigger and more important announcement about how we really like those 100 Calorie Packs.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Netflix Ladybugs

In one of our pre-housewarming purchases, Carrie and Rusty decided they needed something to put their Netflix in so they're not all sloppily lying all over the place. So we got this blue thing at Target to put on our VCR, which we also use to keep the DVDs we're currently watching in. Lori's ladybugs help to "pop" out the red from the envelopes in a way we like. Showing here:

... and here:

Now the game is to guess which ladybug is Rusty and which is Carrie (a la the previous "Which Pumpkin Are We?" Halloween post). Leave yr comments.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Doesn't Oprah Have a Favorite Things Show?

Look at all this wonderful, crazy stuff that Lori Rooney sent Carrie, with each item individully wrapped in tissue paper and a bow. The ladybugs and the Teva sandals are now Carrie's favorites, too.

Thanks, Lori! You're my favorite!