Hi, I'm Scarlett Johansson, one of the world's perfect creatures, here at the "Golden Globes." I like to put quotes around those words because tonight they refer to me. I'm everywhere and everyone loves me. I'm as smart and talented as I am beautiful. There's only one thing that would make me happier right now: to be better friends with Carrie and Rusty of the GLORY!blog.
Is that them? They're here?
Aw, no it wudn't. You know, they say there's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. That's why Carrie and I are insured with Lloyds of London.
Rusty is too, if you know what I mean.
Oh, I see you do.
You gotta squeeze, you know.
By the way, I wear this ring and pretend I'm married to Rusty and Carrie. Though I hear Laura at Sweet Pepper's is already their collective girlfriend, lucky gal.
Okay, I gotta get back to the awards and be one of Jesus' miracles.