Tuesday, December 12, 2006

One Typical Blog Post While We Wash Our Socks and Get Ready to Leave Town

Carrie:




You Are a Tree



You love every part of the holidays, down to the candy canes and stockings. And you're goofy enough to put a Christmas tree ornament on your tree!



Rusty:


You Are a Snowman



Friendly and fun, you enjoy bringing holiday cheer to everyone you know!



See y'all in Mississippi if you're lucky!

Here Comes Santa's Pussy

For those having not only GLORY!blog withdrawals but also Rusty Spell's Online Mixtape (god rest its soul) withdrawals, here's some holiday songs to perk you up. These are some faves of the season for me and Carrie.

Heather Noel: Santa Came On a Nuclear Missile -- Our favorite song this year. We heard it last year, but it's really caught on super-double this year.

Norris the Troubadore, Seaboard Coastliners: My Christmas Time Philosophy -- We sing this to each other at least once an hour, seriously.

The Frogs: Have a Merry Christmas -- The word is underlined in the official title. This is one of the many sequels to their classic song, "Which One of You Gave My Daughter the Dope?"

Teddy Vann: Santa Claus Is a Black Man -- One of my favorites from the "I Saw Mommy Kissin' Santa Claus" sub-genre.

The Sisterhood: Christmas Treat, Peppermint -- Is it just us, or is this dirty?

Aimee Mann: Calling On Mary -- From the very pretty Aimee Mann Christmas album that Carrie let me open early.

Johnny Cash: The Christmas Guest -- Or as we like to call it, "Fuckin' Conrad."

Hope we can post at least a little bit over the next couple of weeks. We're doing our whole holiday tour of duty.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Friday, December 08, 2006

The GLORY!bloggle

See how many words you can find. All words count, including proper nouns.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Talkin' Turkey

This year for Thanksgiving, my parents came to McAllen and we re-enacted the original Thanksgiving by dressing up as Pilgrims and Native Americans, wearing very authentic and traditional costumes.



Mary Hoffman took on the role of Little Big Heart, while the Len-Man took on the role of the Drunk, Lopsided Pilgrim. "It was pretty fun," Leonard says, even though we forgot to open his can of cranberry sauce.



We made sure to sleep that night on festive blankets laced with typhoid germs so on the morning after, we were plenty sick and ready to travel north, toward San Antonio, so we could solemnly remember (by removing our hats before we entered the sacred space) the Alamo. Photos of this to come, courtesy of my dad who can't yet figure out how to send me his digital photos. But, anyway, it was a slaughter-filled Thanksgiving! We've got our new cow-skull Christmas ornament to prove it.



And now that Thanksgiving's over, it's time to start the War on Christmas by spending all our wampum on Princess toys.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

They Call Me Boo Boo Salad

In case we haven't told you yet, Carrie and I really like Ron White. We've seen his stand-up specials like five times apiece. If he's on, we're watching him.

I'm not a huge fan of the Blue Collar guys: Jeff Foxworthy (he's pretty good when not only doing redneck jokes), Bill Engvall (who I know little about), and Larry the Cable Guy (who, at least, talks funny), and I don't think he really fits with them. I'm not even sure how he draws the same crowd. He makes southern jokes, but they're more like convincing his hillbilly homophobic cousin that he's at least a little gay because -- when he watches a man-on-woman porno -- the cousin prefers for the man to have a "big huge throbbing cock."

So check out Ron if you haven't already. He gets our GLORY!blog seal of approval.

The other person we watch a lot of together is Kathy Griffin. She's someone else I didn't imagine I would like as a stand-up since she just talks about celebrities. But I wuz wrong. Her comedy is pretty new, since she's essentially just telling a story about celebrities she ran into, as if she's talking to a buddy, interrupting herself a lot and saying "I know, I know" and "Oh, that reminds me, I've got to tell you my Barbara Walters story later."

They're not our two favorite stand-ups (we probably like Chris Rock the best), but they're the two we enjoy watching together the most. As GLORY!blog fans, we thought you should know. This is the kind of thing we used to tell you before we became too busy actually -- you know -- hanging around each other for real.

Happy Thanksgiving Week!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

I'm getting a nephew!

Admire his manliness:


And, in the tradition of his father, his big noggin:

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Your Official GLORY!blog Election Coverage



My favorite "issue" on this election day is this one about whether to ban mourning dove hunting in Michigan. One side says, "hunters would severely deplete the state’s 4 million mourning doves." The other side says, "Doves are often grilled, broiled or roasted for a serving of two to four birds per person." Who will win? The birds or the men who shop at the Bass Pro Shop?

But here in Texas, only one question matters today: who will win the election for Railroad Commissioner? 74-year old, storytellin' Democrat Dale Henry? Or Republican mother of two Elizabeth Ames Jones, who calls herself "a daughter of the oil patch"? Elizabeth looks prettier, but Dale sounds more like an authentic Texan. It's a difficult decision, but an important one.

Remember: every vote counts!

Remember also: freedom isn't free!

And: we're gonna smoke 'em out of their caves!

Furthermore: don't let the terrorists win!

To reiterate: no child left behind!

Additionally, don't forget: together, we'll build a future!

But more importantly: we'll build a bridge to the 21st century!

What I'm trying to say is: we'll be better off than we were four years ago!

Put simply: we care about working families and affordable prescription drugs for seniors!

Because in the end: we're here to serve the American people!

Friday, November 03, 2006

Halloween Afterthought

Conclude from these pairings what you will.



SEXY BORDER PATROL


REAL BORDER PATROL


SEXY FAST FOOD WORKER


REAL FAST FOOD WORKER


SEXY NURSE


REAL NURSE


SEXY BASEBALL PLAYER


REAL BASEBALL PLAYER


SEXY GIRL SCOUT


REAL GIRL SCOUT


SEXY BOXER


REAL BOXER


SEXY CLOWN


REAL CLOWN


SEXY HANDYMAN


REAL HANDYMAN


SEXY SUPERGIRL


REAL SUPERGIRL


SEXY ANGEL


REAL ANGEL


SEXY ARMY SOLDIER


REAL ARMY SOLDIER


SEXY BRIDE


REAL BRIDE


SEXY WONDER WOMAN


REAL WONDER WOMAN


SEXY DEVIL


REAL DEVIL


SEXY BUMBLEBEE


REAL BUMBLEBEE


SEXY PRISONER


REAL PRISONER


SEXY DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADER


REAL DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADER


SEXY HIPPIE


REAL HIPPIE


SEXY WITCH


REAL WITCH


SEXY MAIL CARRIER


REAL MAIL CARRIER


SEXY FRENCH MAID


REAL FRENCH MAID


SEXY COP


REAL COP

Happy Day of the Dead!