Thursday, June 30, 2005

Plagiarism 2

The first Rusty Spell solo album in almost two years! Okay, so that's an average length in the real world, but in the album-a-month fake world I live in, that's a long wait.

This is the sequel to Plagiarism, that wildly-popular album/game where every song is in the style of a musical artist... and you get to guess who!

Carrie Hoffman herself appears on the song "John Waters." See that link for the mp3? Yeah, you can actually download the entire album for a limited time (and play the game in the process, by emailing me your answers).

It's all up at my Online Mixtape.

More info, jerks.

Bite me.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

First Annual Tribute To Noby (The Prequel)



I'm pretty sure this was the first picture ever taken of me and Noby together. This was our eighth grade graduation.



Our early days of singing.



Noby likes to eat food.



Here are the DUSKBUSTERS!, Snott Brezere and Guil Smellerson, 1993. A rare appearance from Roxanne, as performed by my sister.



Noby the puck magician.



The Chicken in a Biskit picture that's come to be known as The Prolifics shot. Also sometimes the Synthetic Fibers promotional picture.



Still our funniest picture. There are at least four layers of funny here.



The New Prolifics.

And finally, since this is the GLORY!blog and all, I'll leave the tribute to Noby with a word that he would certainly appreciate: "vaginafart."

Saturday, June 25, 2005

The GLORY!blog's First Annual Tribute to Noby

Here's Noby in the Cataphote t-shirt, for which he would later be renowned. This was the day Noby got a Coke when he really wanted a Dr. Pepper. Noby is known for his keen mind games.



Here's Noby, prince of princes, celebrating the common man by enjoying the Atari joystick.


Here's Noby when he first molested Carrie. Later she bragged to all her friends.



And finally, here's Noby communing with nature, soaking in God's green Earth.


This post is for you, Noby: now that you have the cables, you have won our hearts.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Fun With Time Machines

I just hopped into the Delorean and took a picture of our future baby. You've seen her before here, I think. This isn't my first time in a time machine. Here she is:



Also, here's a little moving gif of the person we're gonna have a menage-a-three with (and what she'll be doing):



Unfortunately, to balance things out, we had to have one with a dude too. Here he is:



Also in the future, combo meals at fast food restaurants will average nine dollars. CAN YOU IMAGINE SUCH A THING?

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Daddy Redux

Could Super-Dimples be anyone else's dad? Has Ben Butler not noticed my own super dimples? Charles Spell was with baby Rusty down there, by the way. I wanted to post Leonard Hoffman with Carrie-ette, but I couldn't get my scanner to work. I figured it out today, though, since I'm a Super Nerd. I don't need no boyfriend or brother for things like that. I'm Empowered! So here's the picture I wanted to post:


I was tiny, tiny.

And here're my parents on Father's Day wearing matching alien tees:



In other dad news, Rusty's dad grew an 18-inch cucumber.

I have never eaten or smelled Sugar Crisp. I eat Post Bran Flakes every day for breakfast. Yum yum!



I smell bad. It's hot outside.

-Kraftwerk.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Babydaddy

My dad don't got dimples. Carrie's dad gots.

What do you guys do when my web site is down all night? Get mad at my webhosting service like I do? Or maybe you're sleeping at 4 in the morning.

I need to hurry up and come to Mississippi so I can watch Batman.

Now he's coming to the closet... Now he's coming to the closet...

Super Sugar Crisp smells like urine. I don't mean that in a bad way. Actually, urine smells like Super Sugar Crisp. I guess that's why it isn't a bad thing.

Carrie Nations.

I can't wait for part two of the closet story.

Huddle House.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

I'm Not Lisa Loeb

Back in 2003, Carrie and I did a remake of Lisa Loeb's video "Stay." It was online for a few weeks and won countless awards, but I took it down because I wasn't pleased with the Real Audio quality and because we didn't have as much web space in those days, those poverty-stricken days of 2003. But now I've put the video up again, as a slightly-better-though-still-crappy Windows Media file.

Downnload it here.

While you're downloading, take a look at these action photos from the video:







When Lisa Loeb herself saw the video, she said, "I wish you hadn't made this. This new version of me is much more pretty."

Ethan.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Rusty Isn't Lazy

I don't see your well-thought-out and elaborate posts getting comments like mine, so suck it, bunny-nuts!

Sorry, that was mean, wasn't it? This is the gloryblog after all. Okay, here's a sweet picture.



Don't worry: you guys will be choosing your own adventures in no time. Actually, I might start a new series of books called Choose Someone Else's Adventure.

Challenge your imagination... if you dare!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Rusty is lazy

I thought we were supposed to get another Choose Your Own Adventure story? Didn't he say he was going to challenge us with more jokes, really good ones? Instead we get one line about the baby swap, which is really just Rusty ripping off a joke I made.

For those wondering, the "baby swap" is a 21st century theme park idea -- one parent rides a ride with anyone else in the family who wants to ride it. While that parent is on the ride, another parent waits in a designated area with a kid (the "baby") who is too young or too scared to ride the ride. Once the first parent gets off, they "swap" the kid and the parent who didn't ride gets to hop right on the ride without waiting in the long line. There were signs at each ride in Universal for the "Baby Swap" and we got hooked on the phrase.

But that's more informative than fun.

Q: What's fun?

A: Playing the game where you try to find the secret on The Carrie Hoffman Webpage


Q: What else is fun?
A:Booty Lube.

Q:I was wondering, what might one associate with the term "fun"?
A: The Boo Boo Bunny

Q:What can I do that's fun in the future?
A:Become the next kid to get diddled by Michael Jackson.

Baby Swap

That's where you swap your baby.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Boobalean! Boobalean!

The Strawberry Explosion announces its brand new single "Boobalean". Listen to it and dance like crazy! But don't forget to buy it for only six bucks--that includes shipping--and for it you get the single version and five remakes. You will not be sorry. You will feel the joy. You can sing along, too.











-

Thursday, June 09, 2005

GLORY!blog Choose Your Own Adventure

1


You're sitting at your computer reading the gloryblog when you notice a little man jumping around in the corner of the screen. At first you think it's some annoying assistant from another program, or maybe a web advertisement, but then you hear him say your name:

"Hey, INSERT YOUR NAME HERE, help me!" he says with a tinny voice.

You can't believe your eyes or ears! What will you do?

* IF YOU ASK THEM MAN WHAT HE WANTS, SCROLL DOWN TO #2.
* IF YOU BECOME TOO SCARED AND TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER, SCROLL DOWN TO #3.

2


"What do you need help with?" you ask the little man.

"I thought you'd never ask," he says, and jumps from your screen onto your desk. Then he hands you a tiny scroll.

"Read this!" he says. "It will tell you all you need to know."

"But it's too tiny," you say, the tiny scroll hanging on the edge of your pinky.

"Figure it out... or else!" the man says, and vanishes in a puff.

* IF YOU CRUSH THE SCROLL WITH YOUR FINGERS AND FORGET THE WHOLE THING HAPPENED, SCROLL DOWN TO #4
* IF YOU SEARCH THE AREA FOR SOMETHING TO HELP YOU SEE THE SCROLL, SCROLL DOWN TO #5

3


You turn off your computer and breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe I shouldn't have had that drink at lunch today, you think. But then you feel a tiny jab in your back, like from a pin. You flip your head around and the little man is on your shoulder.

"Hope you have your affairs in order," he says. "For in two minutes the poison will take effect and you will die!"

ENJOY YOUR REMAINING TIME ON EARTH. THE END.


4


"Enough of this crap!" you say aloud, and make short work of the little scroll. Still, you can't help but wonder what it said and wonder if it will bother you all of your days. But there's good news! You won't have any more days, for the scroll contained a poison which has entered your bloodstream and will kill you in two minutes.

ENJOY YOUR REMAINING TIME ON EARTH. THE END.


5


Careful not to damage the scroll, you begin rummaging around in your junk drawer. In it, you see a magnifying glass, a pair of tweezers, a bit of rope, some kitchen magnets, 60 watt light bulbs, a box of matches, and a button from Rock City.

But you will have plenty of time to figure out what to do with these things, because you will have to wait for the next GLORY!blog Choose Your Own Adventure in order to continue!

UNTIL NEXT TIME. FAREWELL FOR NOW, BRAVE TRAVELLER!

Monday, June 06, 2005

Bubs Bunny

Remember how last year, when we were at Epcot, Rusty stepped into a phone booth and became an alien bumble-glyph? It was so strange, but I think all the greasy food, frozen Cokes, and loud hotel room air conditioners must give him special powers because he morphed again this year at Universal...but not into a bumbleglyph. Rusty became an actual bunny this time, not just "my bunny," but like a sniff-sniff, hop-hop, cotton-tailed bunny. It was on Popeye's boat and lasted just a few seconds. Rusty didn't even know it happened. He thought the kids around us were impressed by his piano playing. Yeah, Rusty, like your music is that good! Anyway, check out the photo if you don't believe me. Really. I mean how could I fake a picture?



Now back to Rusty and his so-called "jokes."

Sunday, June 05, 2005

No, I'm the Winner

I'll have you know I posted more pictures from Summer I than Hoffypants did. She figured it out too, apologized, made me a cake, and had it air-mailed within three hours.

Have you ever noticed how extra puss-faced Renee Zelweger is looking these days? I mean, look at this recent photo.



She should probably get that checked out.

More things to look forward to in the realm of carriandrusty.com:

1. A Universal Orlando review for We Like Media, the sequel to our Disney World Review

2. The new Strawberry Explosion single, "Boobalean." If you're lucky, we'll let you hear some B-sides. If you're even luckier, we might call the song "Boobalean!"

3. Carrie doing a guest-spot on the upcoming Rusty Spell album, Plagiarism 2. No hints as to the nature of the song, since there will be a game involved.

4. A report on whether or not we like the electronic gradebook I found for us online, or if we should just make Noby program one for us.

5. A return to jokes. It just became to easy to post a cute picture and call it a day, but I'm gonna start schemin' up some plans for the funny ha ha. That means get your guts ready to be busted.

6. A return to classiness in the jokes. For an example of the class I'm talking about, did you know that for the above Renee Zelweger joke, I did a Google image search for "vagina," found a picture of one, erased the areas around the vagina, turned it sideways, resized it, and placed it over Renee Zelweger's lips? Did you further know that, in doing so, I actually made her mouth look less pussy than it actually is?

7. More Google hits due to words such as were just written in entry 6.

8. And finally... continuing hunts for Grevious.

Love and Bunnies,
Rubby Bulbs.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Rusty thinks he's fancy

But I will always beat him. There are 53 photos of Summer Vacation, Part One on my Photo Page

Rusty's got his Universal photos up now for you to adore -- some of those photos my page don't gots, some of what he don't got, I gots. We choose according to our own whims. We also photoshop differently so with the overlapping photos some zits may remain where others are missing, some photos may be darker or brighter, depending. Mine tend to be darker since my monitor's too bright and I can't tell when things are really dark. Everything looks good on my end and then I look at it in my office and it's dark as shit. This is of no concern for you, especially once I get my nineteen-inch flat screen, flat panel monitor.

Anyway, post comments and tell us your favorites!

I'm sleepy now that I have to be at school at 8am Monday through Friday for French class. Blergh, d'accord?

Mick Avory, your shirt is on its bumbley way very soon.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

(Let's Get) This Show (On the Road)

Okay, we're back now. Universal Orlando pictures coming very soon. In the meantime, I've got pictures up from Summer I before the Florida trip. Click the cuties picture below to see.



Your turn, dar.