Wednesday, December 14, 2005

THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS

As you may have heard, there's a War on Christmas going on, and Carrie and I -- being the jolliest of elves around -- won't stand for it. In case you're not sure what we're talking about, you can watch a video about it here.

Christmas means shopping. We all know that. Malls, Wal-Marts, Toys-R-Us, and the like are the holy grounds where Christ himself would buy his iPod accessories if his name hadn't been Xed out in the word "Xmas." Someone once told me that X was the Greek letter Chi which means "Christ," and that Xmas, Xian, etc. has been used in religious writings for hundreds of years, but that sounds like left-wing liberalism to me. Last time I checked, X crosses things out, marks the spot, denotes how pornographic something is, is represented by a xylophone in children's books, and gives whiny black men something to change their slave names to.

The point is, all of these retail outlets -- the same ones we relied on for decades to be spokescenters for our deepest religious beliefs -- have replaced "Merry Christmas" with "Happy Holidays" in their ads, and my savior and I aren't going to take it anymore. Non-Christians would be foolish to be offended by a banner or billboard in their public areas proclaiming "Merry Christmas," but to not say it is certainly and rightfully offensive to Christians who are already a persecuted minority. These things are just common courtesy and common sense.

The biggest offender is Target, the new national campaign quarters for the democratic party. I mean, look at their website here. A cute dog with a candy cane in his mouth? A little girl dressed in red and white with a gift in her hand? The phrase "ho ho hurry"? Christmas trees and stockings on sale? Little graphics that say "Only ten more shopping days left"? Who are they kidding? It practically screams THE JEWS ARE TAKING OVER THIS COUNTRY.

If the web site doesn't get you, look at the posters they have hanging up these days.









So while some of you might be content to sit on your lazy ass with your wives or friends or gay husbands or whatever you have these days, I and the REAL Christians will be out there making a difference... by not going to Target.