Thursday, September 22, 2005

Presidents Get A Lot of Attention, Don't They?

I wish regular people would get as much attention as these so-called historical figures, so I thought I'd bring you a different kind of profile list.

The American Teens Who Visited McDonalds Today: 3:15 PM - 4:38 PM.


Brad
Brad posed for this photo, collected some twenty-five dollar checks from family members, then went back to his room and IMed his best friend this message: “My mom is a fucking humiliating b*tch! She just doesn’t understand me. She made my cake match my shirt and it tasted like ass. It wasn't even a cake, just a big cookie. I’m riding my bike to McDonalds.”
Brad ordered two cheeseburgers, a small fry, and a Coke.



Elizabeth
Elizabeth’s mother paid for $2500 worth of modeling headshots, then refused to allow Elizabeth to go to a boy-girl sleepover at her friend Caitlyn’s house. Elizabeth said, “Fine, then, I’ll just get fat!”
Elizabeth ordered a Big Mac value meal with a Diet Coke and an apple pie.



Laurie (left) and Dana (right)
These best friends listen to Led Zeppelin and, during science lab, they draw deer with brains spilling out of their antlers. Of their biggest fight, Laurie reportedly said, “Dana just brings way too much drama. She’s got that rifle and all, and it’s just drama all the time now.”
Laurie ordered a Double Cheeseburger meal with a Sprite, and Dana ordered a Filet O' Fish with extra tartar sauce.



Nestor
Nestor plays basketball for Stephen Crane High; their mascot: The Red Badger of Courage. He wants to go to college so he can be take English 1301 with Dr. Spell. His friend Jasmine told him, “Dr. Spell’s class is dope-ass as long as you don’t mess up.”
Nestor ordered a chicken finger value meal with a Mr. Pibb.



Daniel
Ridiculed as gay by his classmates for his pink shirt and his intense love of Christmas, Daniel spends his afternoons riding up to drive throughs and asking for “just a cup of water and a packet of ketchup.” He thinks it’s more fun than going to some stupid quiz bowl meeting, anyway.
Daniel ordered his usual.




Samuel and Pam
Samuel and Pam are the prom king and queen of Saucier High in Saucier, MS. Known throughout school as “Sam-n-Pam,” they are both American Idol fans and spend Friday nights making sure their outfits are shiny.
Samuel ordered the Big 'N Tasty meal with a Diet Coke, and Pam ordered the Apple and Walnut Salad with a Dasani.



Jenny and Biscuit
Jenny never goes outside except for her elaborately staged senior portraits. Biscuit, her dog, thinks she “smells funny” and is usually wary of eating dog treats out of her hands because they taste like rubbing alcohol.
Jenny ordered the Classic Premium Chicken Sandwich meal, crispy, with a Coke.



Ricky
Ricky’s mom says that Ricky can hack into her bank account but “can’t remember to pick a towel up from the floor.” Ricky says he wishes he could come up behind his mom and hit her in the back with “a wet bag of trash.”
Ricky ordered a chocolate shake and a small fry.