Friday, September 30, 2005

Rusty With Cartoons

These will go up on my art page soon (to be followed by others), but you get them here first, because the gloryblog readers are my favorites!

I decided I needed to get some pictures of me with my favorite cartoon characters, so I invited them over to my apartment.

Me and my newest comic obsession, Krazy Kat, being pelted here by Ignitz the mouse with a brick. They're very tiny and played around on my computer desk for a while.

My favorites, the Charlie Brown gang. Snoopy and Linus are my two favorites from the strip, and of course I had to have Charlie Brown himself, and Woodstock was small enough to tag along with Snoopy. Besides, Woodstock wanted to visit the bird farm in town. We're hanging out on my balcony. Snoopy seems a little nervous that I'm paying him attention. He never took his shades off.

In the kitchen with Garfield and Odie. I personally don't mind that every one of their strips are the same joke over and over.

And lest we forget this lovely day when Carrie met her counterpart "Carrie."

See you next time!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Speaking of bunnies and sniffing butts!

Here is a favorite album cover:

It's Bran Van 3000's Glee, an album Rusty and I liked to listen together back in 2001. It's one of the few bands I was ever able to introduce to the Musical Boy. Bran Van 3000 has a really nice website. They're good fun dance music that sometimes make jokes.

Now look and see what a good Google search will get you:

Now, go contratulate Pia for winning the $4000 Narrative Prize! The GLORY!blog loves Pia.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Presidents Get A Lot of Attention, Don't They?

I wish regular people would get as much attention as these so-called historical figures, so I thought I'd bring you a different kind of profile list.

The American Teens Who Visited McDonalds Today: 3:15 PM - 4:38 PM.

Brad posed for this photo, collected some twenty-five dollar checks from family members, then went back to his room and IMed his best friend this message: “My mom is a fucking humiliating b*tch! She just doesn’t understand me. She made my cake match my shirt and it tasted like ass. It wasn't even a cake, just a big cookie. I’m riding my bike to McDonalds.”
Brad ordered two cheeseburgers, a small fry, and a Coke.

Elizabeth’s mother paid for $2500 worth of modeling headshots, then refused to allow Elizabeth to go to a boy-girl sleepover at her friend Caitlyn’s house. Elizabeth said, “Fine, then, I’ll just get fat!”
Elizabeth ordered a Big Mac value meal with a Diet Coke and an apple pie.

Laurie (left) and Dana (right)
These best friends listen to Led Zeppelin and, during science lab, they draw deer with brains spilling out of their antlers. Of their biggest fight, Laurie reportedly said, “Dana just brings way too much drama. She’s got that rifle and all, and it’s just drama all the time now.”
Laurie ordered a Double Cheeseburger meal with a Sprite, and Dana ordered a Filet O' Fish with extra tartar sauce.

Nestor plays basketball for Stephen Crane High; their mascot: The Red Badger of Courage. He wants to go to college so he can be take English 1301 with Dr. Spell. His friend Jasmine told him, “Dr. Spell’s class is dope-ass as long as you don’t mess up.”
Nestor ordered a chicken finger value meal with a Mr. Pibb.

Ridiculed as gay by his classmates for his pink shirt and his intense love of Christmas, Daniel spends his afternoons riding up to drive throughs and asking for “just a cup of water and a packet of ketchup.” He thinks it’s more fun than going to some stupid quiz bowl meeting, anyway.
Daniel ordered his usual.

Samuel and Pam
Samuel and Pam are the prom king and queen of Saucier High in Saucier, MS. Known throughout school as “Sam-n-Pam,” they are both American Idol fans and spend Friday nights making sure their outfits are shiny.
Samuel ordered the Big 'N Tasty meal with a Diet Coke, and Pam ordered the Apple and Walnut Salad with a Dasani.

Jenny and Biscuit
Jenny never goes outside except for her elaborately staged senior portraits. Biscuit, her dog, thinks she “smells funny” and is usually wary of eating dog treats out of her hands because they taste like rubbing alcohol.
Jenny ordered the Classic Premium Chicken Sandwich meal, crispy, with a Coke.

Ricky’s mom says that Ricky can hack into her bank account but “can’t remember to pick a towel up from the floor.” Ricky says he wishes he could come up behind his mom and hit her in the back with “a wet bag of trash.”
Ricky ordered a chocolate shake and a small fry.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

The GLORY!blog Brings You the Presidents of the United States of America: The 1800s/1700s

William McKinley
One of the assassinated presidents where you don't remember where you were the day he was killed.

Grover Cleveland
One of my favorite presidents, cause he did so many things unique to a president, like getting married during his second term. If any cockeyed thing a president did ever comes up in a trivia game, guess Cleveland.

Benjamin Harrison
Known as the first president to get rid of those ridiculous old fashioned ties and wear a regular necktie.

Grover Cleveland
No, you're not seeing double! It's Grover again! He was the only president to serve two non-consecutive terms. Didn't I say cockeyed? Was once overheard saying, "Don't I get two paintings in the White House?" Later a Muppet was named after him.

Chester Arthur
Boasted that he had the "world's largest naturally-occurring bosom" and starred in the movie Deadly Weapons.

James Garfield
Likes lasagna, naps, and his teddy bear Pookie.

Rutherford B. Hayes
Removed liquor from the White House, causing "speakeasies" to appear all over the West Wing. Was friends with Edward G. Robinson.

Ulysses S. Grant
When asked why he was so motivated to be the general for the Union during the Civil War, Grant said, "For the same reason as General Lee. I just happened to be born on this side." When asked if this was some statement on the nature of "truth" and how it was often relative to chance occurrences, Grant bellowed, "Just pour me a drink, goddammit."

Andrew Johnson
There is a famous photograph of Andrew Johnson, taken a few moments after President Lincoln was shot, holding a sign reading "Now what?" This "Oh shit, now I gotta be president" philosophy carried him throughout his term.

Abraham Lincoln
Often considered our greatest president, one of his notable achievements is being tall enough to give actor Ted Rooney lots of roles. Abraham Lincoln was killed on Good Friday, shifting the holiday immediately from being about Jesus' death to Lincoln's, which -- if you think about it -- really explains the bunnies.

James Buchanan
The only president who never married, giving him the nickname to this day of "that gay queer."

Franklin Pierce
Better known as "Hawkeye" to his friends, Pierce was as skilled a surgeon as he was a prankster and lover. His arch nemesis was Frank Burns, who was of course responsible for the Mexican War.

Millard Fillmore
Though a happy fellow during his administration, once Abraham Lincoln became so admired, Fillmore turned into an old curmudgeon who was constantly heard shouting, "I came from a log cabin too, you idolatrous motherfuckers!"

Zachary Taylor
Provided names for several young boys born in the early 1990s.

James K. Polk
A dark horse from Nashville, known as "Napoleon of the Stump." Austere and severe, he held few people dear. His oratory filled his foes with fear. He seized the whole southwest from Mexico, made sure the tarriffs fell, and made the English sell the Oregon territory. He built an indepedent treasury. Having done all this, he sought no second term.

John Tyler
The first vice president to become president due to an assassination, earning him the title "His Accidency," a name he doubly resented as his parents didn't want him either but were forced to have him since the president at the time of his birth, George Washington, was pro-life.

William Henry Harrison
The president most fond of asking the question, "When was the war of 1812?"

Martin Van Buren
When seeking his second term, he lost due to the fact people thought the ticket "Free Soil" was even more silly sounding than "Whigs."

Andrew Jackson
"Old Hickory" was the first hillbilly in the White House, winning the election by a huge popular vote and setting the stage for other "common men" of the future. Once when leaving the front door to the White House open, a cabinet member asked Jackson, "Were you raised in a barn?" whereupon Jackson answered yes, shot the man, and mounted him in what would eventually become the Lincoln Bedroom, but which was known at this time as The Head Huntin' Room.

John Quincy Adams
Son of John Adams, known simply as "Q" or sometimes "The Q-Man." Unlike the middle initialled son of a president Adams preceeded, Q more or less did good stuff. See Amistad for more info.

James Monroe
The Monroe Doctrine wasn't named until 20 years after his death. Much later than that Too Close for Comfort would make its TV debut.

James Madison
Our fattest president, no doubt due to the delicious cakes his wife would constantly make. Of his wife, Madison's friends would often say, "Delicious of treat, enormous of teat."

Thomas Jefferson
A reluctant president, more keen on helping the country than seeking power for himself. At age 33, Jefferson drafted the Declaration of Independence. He later wrote a bill establishing religious freedom. Jefferson was the minster to France, leader of the Republican party (the old, good one), reduced the national debt by a third, aquired the Louisiana Territory from Napoleon, and helped to establish the University of Virginia. Today, of course, he is only known for having sex with a black woman.

John Adams
The Buzz Aldrin of presidents, John Adams' favorite activities were collecting William T. Riker action figures, never using the word also, creating works of art crafted in silver, listening to Art Garfunkel records, and taking dumps.

George Washington
America's first president, unless you count Samuel Huntington, Thomas McKean, John Hanson, Peyton Randolph, John Hancock, Henry Laurens, Maury Amsterdam, John Jay, Cyrus Griffin, and others. Washington was the first president elected by the people. The others were elected by the Continental Congress until the country could get itself in shape enough to begin true elections. But don't tell Iraq that!

These facts brought to you by the brilliant mind of Dr. Rusty W. Spell, seen below in the brand new doctoral regalia he just had delivered to him so he doesn't have to rent anymore and so he can wear his fresh "tam" rather than a boring old mortar board.

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Monday, September 19, 2005

The Daily Boo: Air Supply Edition

Because Bubby wanted to see pictures of me in the new Air Supply t-shirt he gave me for my birthday . . .

Sunday, September 18, 2005

The GLORY!blog Brings You the Presidents of the United States of America: The 1900s/early 2000s

As any good reader of the GLORY!blog knows, we know our politics. We also know our history of politics, and we thought we'd do our readers a service by telling you what you need to know about each president of the United States of America. We're going back in time, starting with our current president and going back to the early 1900s in this edition. But don't worry, we'll go all the way back to the very first in future installments.

George W. Bush
Our current boy. Nickname: Mr. Botchypants. Worst president in our lifetime? Probably.

Bill Clinton
Famous for getting his dick sucked by a fat-but-cute girl, the worst thing you can do as a public servant.

George Bush
No, you're not seeing double! It's a little-known fact that our current president's father was also himself the president. Those who are aware of George Bush Sr. primarily remember him as an SNL character.

Ronald Reagan
Well... he was the man who didn't leave well enough alone the idea that being a president was more about acting and showmanship, setting the stage for even bigger jokes like Arnold Schwarzenegger. At least Regan could do comedy.

Jimmy Carter
First president of Carrie's lifetime. Nicest, smartest, most humane president during our lifetime? Probably. Not that it made him a great president. Sometimes confused with George Washington Carver.

Gerald Ford
First president of my lifetime. Was never eaten by wolves, and was not delicious.

Richard Nixon
Woke America up to the fact that politicians -- don't be scared -- lie to you. Now do you lie about a Watergate break in, about getting your dick sucked, or about killing thousands on false pretenses? The choices are endless!

Lyndon Johnson
Possessing all the beauty and grace of a flaccid camel penis, Johnson was part of the conspiracy that had Kennedy killed (but don't tell them I said so) and showed what the country was like when run by your hillbilly school superintendant.

John F. Kennedy
Had third input sex with Marilyn Monroe on the Oval Office desk while mugging to news cameras in front of children as Jackie O. stood by to mop up with her monogramed "jizz rag," and everyone was charmed. As Clinton would later remark, "What the hell?" Was eventually killed by "Zippy, the Happy Magic Bullet."

Dwight Eisenhower
Tapped into America's increasing dumbness with his "I Like Ike" slogan. "It made me remember who to vote for, and who I liked," remarked voters of the day. His presidency today represents America during a time of innocence that never actually existed.

Harry Truman
Sherriff of the police department who tragically fell for an evil Asian seductress.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Probably the last truly good president we've had, showing that we should elect more cripples.

Herbert Hoover
Did he cause the depression? Let's say yes and simplify everything. The musical Annie seems to think so anyway. He sucks like... like, um, some vaccum cleaner.

Calvin Coolidge
Oh, dry quiet wit, why are you wasted on the old presidents that we'll never get to see on television?

Warren G. Harding
The "G" stood for gangster.

Woodrow Wilson
Wrote the song "This Land Is Your Land," which -- like Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA" -- was actually a negative song, but is not seen as such.

William H. Taft
The president who didn't want to be president, probably because he wanted to spend more time with the moustache.

Theodore Roosevelt
When William McKinley was assasinated, it wasn't by some conspiracy and triangular cross-fire, it was by Teddy himself, cause he was a man. You know his motto: "Speak softly and carry a big dick which I slap around on bitches' faces to get my big dick really hard."

Tune in next time for the 1800s, and more history!