Monday, February 28, 2005

"Here's Carrie. Her main drive in life is to have a family."

Here is some very early art by me:

The Spells

We're Sims again. Whenever I play The Sims (and now The Sims 2, which I just picked up the other day), I tend to play them based on real people (and sometimes based on my fictional characters, but don't tell anyone, else they'll think I'm a nerd), so I just started Carrie and Rusty Spell. We have the same last name, but we're not married yet. Complicated Sims laws where whoever lives in the same house has the same last name (more or less). Here's our story so far:

This is our little pink house. I built it from scratch. No trees or anything on the lot, but we'll work on that later. You can see us down there all tiny.

Here's Carrie. Her main drive in life is to have a family. She got a job on the culinary track, starting off as a dishwasher and advancing quickly to a fast food cook and then manager. She's getting pretty good at painting these days too (I may have doctored this photo a little bit).

Carrie makes perfect sandwiches in real life, and she makes them good here too.

Here's Carrie in her uniform. Maybe it's just me, but she looks pretty hot in it. Maybe it's the suggestive hot dog on the apron and T-shirt.

Then there's me. Here's me in a shirtless, glasses-less moment, looking all broody. Those are my fancy pajamas. My main drive in life is to gain knowledge. I got a job on the medical track, and I'm some kind of job I don't remember what now, something below flunky. The last thing I did was clean up some vomit or something. I haven't been promoted yet.

Here I am wearing my Noodlesoother hat. It puts me in a good mood. Perhaps you remember that in real life putting things on my head (like potato chip bags) put me in a good mood.

At first, we were just roomies so we slept in separate beds. Here's me having creepy late-night frustration. But we talked and got to know each other better and became friends, and then eventually developed crushes on each other, and then became best friends.

And really all it took was a good backrub or two to really get Carrie goin'. Don't stare too hard at the sexy nightie.

Eventually we got rid of the single beds and got all cuddly together. This is us together with me dreaming about my arch-nemesis Mr. Goth. I hate that bastard. He comes into my house, slaps me in the face for no reason, and makes me cry. I haven't figured out why, but I think it was because I was talking to his wife or daughter or something. The town we live in has a sordid history that I haven't learned all about yet. One day I'm going to build a town from scratch and move into it, but in the meantime, I got these folks to put up with.

This is me serenading Carrie... a few moments before I propose to her. She said yes! I gave her a nice ring. We haven't set a wedding date yet, but it shouldn't be too long. Carrie wants a family and all, and I want someone to pass all my knowledge on to. I'll be sure to keep you guys updated with all the Sim life Carrie and I are living, in addition to the real life we'll be going through. The Sim one seems a bit more speedy. Before you know it we'll be dead and I'll be posting about our grandkids' lives. Ah, the Sims 2!


Friday, February 25, 2005

New Photo Theme Revealed!

This photo from Rusty's recent Valentine's Day package post made me realize a new theme emerging in our pictures -- Rusty dangling stuff from his mouth. See below.

This classic from when we decorated the tree at Thanksgiving.

Rusty with candy + wrapper in his mouth.

Rusty at Thanksgiving, gnawing on turkey. (That's Rusty's sister Vicki on the right).


Thursday, February 24, 2005

Every Day the Fourteenth Indeed

Hoffy strategically timed her Valentine's package to reach me on Monday, as opposed to me who sent my package to her on Valentine's Day. But, um, she got hers a couple of days later, and I just got mine today. Maybe one reason it took a while to get here was because the box was so huge, showing here:

The box was padded with all the cards and bags and napkins and conversation hearts and bonus CDs and stuff, the standard Hoffman above-and-beyond package. Here's me trying to sort it all out, wearing my red alien shirt.

We never found pin the tail on the donkey for my birthday, but baby found it for Valentine's. Well, it actually said stick the tail on the donkey on the package. Here's me pointing to it, Berky-style.

Candy? Ring Pops? Not just... heart shaped Ring Pops, two of them:

Carrie got me some new sheets, which seems maybe personal to put here since they're all silky and sexy and stuff, but to lighten the situation, here's me (in my black alien shirt) using them as a Dracula cape.

Bunny helped me get the power crystal (no, not that one... that would be personal) by getting me the final OutKast album I needed (the first one). Here's me wid it, wearing my grey-green alien shirt.

And finally, Snoopy. His heart lights up and blinks.

I love my girlfriend. Here's a picture she never saw of herself:

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

All Hoffy, All the Time

Once I had a student "interview" me for some class she was taking where they had to interview a professor. She asked if I had any nicknames and I paused and said--very awkwardly--"Well there's this guy who calls me Hoffy."

Don't forget these other fine Hoffy businesses:

Hoffy's Motel

Hoffy's Restaurant and Take-Away

Hoffy's House of Tunes -- They're Your Wedding Specialists

Hoffy's Soccer Team:Regular Season Champions!

Hoffy's World of Electronics

Of course, there are also Hoffy-Glyphs -- with 29 new drawings available. Click on this watermalien to see them all:

* Also, because we know you are all worried that Rusty still has not received his Valentime's package . . . no package on Saturday . . . no mail yesterday, but today he got a slip in his box that he has a package waiting at the P.O. We hope it's not Noby's book.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Hoffy Bacon

Lori Rooney gave me my glorypost for the day (that's her elegant finger):

Now... insert your own jokes in the comments box please.

Your boy.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Damn You, USPS!

So it turns out that 4-Day Parcel Post means that on the fourth day, they just go ahead and eat your boyfriend's Valentine candy or something. On the fifth day, they wipe their ass with the card. Rusty still hasn't gotten his Valentine's package yet. I mailed it 8 days ago, not including Sunday. The GLORY!blog officially recommends FedEx now.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Red Hat Society

Carrie and I are now proud members of the Red Hat Society. So there.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

I missed out on the Valentine's Day Post

But I get to give the recap from yesterday, at least. Rusty got all traditional on my ass--I had roses delivered to me at 9:30 am. The FedEx guy was happy, probably because normally he's delivering reams of paper and shit. Here's me with my roses:

Neither of us got our treat packages, unfortunately, but we're sure they were good. I expect that Rusty will have gotten his today, around now, so I'm posting the alien from his card. He needs to stop looking if he didn't get it yet. Stop it, jerkface.

Anyway, thank god Valentine's Day is over and we can stop pretending to be romantic.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Carrie's My Val Pal

This post is too complicated for the GLORY!blog itself, so click on the picture for the full monty.

And happy Valentine's Day to gloryfans everywhere.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Gettin' Ready for Love Day

Rusty made a Valentine's Day Edition of his Online Mixtape.

And here is a Valentine Alien for all of you.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Monday Is Valentine's Day

I think I'm up for postin' here that day. I better start thinking now.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

How Rusty and I Spent our Mardi Gras

Rusty Swiffered the kitchen floor with messy hair. I sat on the couch and took pictures. It seemed like a normal life, almost.

Next visit: March 4, Rusty comes to MS for spring break.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

The Sims Award

Begin turning green. Carrie Hoffman won the James H. Sims award for writing a literary paper about albinos. Perhaps you remember from previous posts if you're a good gloryfollower. Anyway, now that she's won the Joan Johnson Award for fiction and they're not doing the Garth Avant award anymore, she's only got to win the teacher award next year and it's a clean sweep for Boo Boo. Me love, me proud.

James Sims, as you might know, is a university professor in the PC game, The Sims. Here's a picture of him being appalled by a college streaker.

Bunny Bread.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Four Umms

Carrie Hoffman's forums are rockin' and rollin'. They're currently beating out the legendary BMT Forums at Quaggas for liveliness, but we'll see for how long. I guess it helps having a forumfull of writers.

Meanwhile, this is a quick post for me before running to Target and the HEB (and to get a haircut) -- now that I'm awake enough to do those things -- to help "nestify" this apartment for Hoffybulbs' arrival on Friday.

Days between us: zed.

* <-- my asshole.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

All the News

The Carrie Hoffman Webpage has had a facelift. It's also Firefox-compatible now for all you hipsters who don't use Internet Explorer anymore.

New photos of Rusty's birthday party are now up. To your right is Rusty's nephew Casey in his party hats. There aren't that many and they aren't that good, but what can we say, we were rushing the whole weekend and didn't have enough time for anything. We promise better ones after this weekend.

Perhaps most significantly, The Carrie Hoffman Forums now exist. Apparently comments on the GLORY!blog weren't thorough enough, and Case Miller demanded a forum. There's discussions going on about Carrie Hoffman, Rusty Spell, The Strawberry Explosion, and the GLORY!blog. Register and start your own topics! It'll be fun!

p.s. That photo of Ye olde Rusty is really creepy.

Rusty Is Old

That handsome picture of me was taken on my birthday, but when I was still 29. When I actually turned 30 at 6:20 pm, this is what I looked like:

So next time you see me, don't be scared. I'm just a bit older now.