Monday, December 19, 2005

Our Accidental Lenox Snoopy Collection

Random gifts from our famblies have spawned us this collectible Snoopy Christmas stuff, made by Lenox.







(p.s. Don't hate us if we start ignoring you. Look at our pictures if you miss us.)

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Good Morning

I'm leaving in six hours. I guess I should be asleep.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Crimpus Curds!

I think everyone has gotten the annual Rusty-Carrie card by now (except Pia, who hasn't made it to her mailbox in New Orleans yet), and this year we took it up a notch, adding comedy to our cuteness. Some reactions have been, "your card is ADORABLE and beyond creative. you and rusty are so cute. we will both brag tomorrow" (from my mom); from the famous Kim Chinquee, "meant to write and tell you thank you for the nice Christmas photo card, and how much I love your humor. You two are wonderful together. Will you get married soon?" And Ray Wachter said the card made his heart go pitter-pat.

Here's the photo and the top ten list we sent out:


TOP TEN PHOTO CAPTIONS FROM CARRIE & RUSTY


10. Think you got trouble with tangled lights?
9. Why decorate trees when you can decorate humans?
8. How Christmas gets done in Mississippi.
7. Book learnin' and PhDs ain't everything.
6. Looks like it's time for a long winter's nap.
5. Meanwhile, the tree catches a cold.
4. One wise man short of a Magi.
3. They may be stupid, but they sure are cute.
2. Find the Snoopy ornament, win a prize!
1. Christmas: it only comes once a year.


And here's the Rejects list, the ones that didn't make it to the card:

-They don't call him Dr. Spell for nothing.
-Rusty decorates Carrie instead of the tree, proves he’s from Mississippi.
-Rusty wonders how he’s gonna get the star on Carrie’s head.
-Rusty insists that this is how his family always decorated the tree.
-Carrie calls this her festive holiday outfit.
-Merry Christmas from the Christmas All-Stars
-This is how your mama does it.
-All strung up for Christmas.
-Meanwhile, the tree gets jealous.
-This was a really good photo idea until Carrie actually had to stand there wrapped up in Christmas lights.
-Carrie hopes she doesn’t blow a fuse.
-Whose genius Christmas card photo idea was this, again?
-Never leave Rusty in charge of the Christmas decorations.
-Rusty decorates the wrong thing again.
-Carrie was in the way of the tree.
-We're stupid, but we're happy.
-Super Stars.
-You forgot the stocking.
-I don't want y'all grinnin'.
-Merry Christmas from the Incompetent Family.
-She was prettier than the tree anyway.
-Ladies and gentlemen, by boyfriend.
-Next time, follow the star.
-Is that how you do it in Mississippi?
-Is that how you do it in Texas?
-Is that how you do it in Mexico?
-Wait'll you see how I decorate the tree.
-We're made for each other.
-Trees are boring.

Here are the rejected photos:



Wednesday, December 14, 2005

THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS

As you may have heard, there's a War on Christmas going on, and Carrie and I -- being the jolliest of elves around -- won't stand for it. In case you're not sure what we're talking about, you can watch a video about it here.

Christmas means shopping. We all know that. Malls, Wal-Marts, Toys-R-Us, and the like are the holy grounds where Christ himself would buy his iPod accessories if his name hadn't been Xed out in the word "Xmas." Someone once told me that X was the Greek letter Chi which means "Christ," and that Xmas, Xian, etc. has been used in religious writings for hundreds of years, but that sounds like left-wing liberalism to me. Last time I checked, X crosses things out, marks the spot, denotes how pornographic something is, is represented by a xylophone in children's books, and gives whiny black men something to change their slave names to.

The point is, all of these retail outlets -- the same ones we relied on for decades to be spokescenters for our deepest religious beliefs -- have replaced "Merry Christmas" with "Happy Holidays" in their ads, and my savior and I aren't going to take it anymore. Non-Christians would be foolish to be offended by a banner or billboard in their public areas proclaiming "Merry Christmas," but to not say it is certainly and rightfully offensive to Christians who are already a persecuted minority. These things are just common courtesy and common sense.

The biggest offender is Target, the new national campaign quarters for the democratic party. I mean, look at their website here. A cute dog with a candy cane in his mouth? A little girl dressed in red and white with a gift in her hand? The phrase "ho ho hurry"? Christmas trees and stockings on sale? Little graphics that say "Only ten more shopping days left"? Who are they kidding? It practically screams THE JEWS ARE TAKING OVER THIS COUNTRY.

If the web site doesn't get you, look at the posters they have hanging up these days.









So while some of you might be content to sit on your lazy ass with your wives or friends or gay husbands or whatever you have these days, I and the REAL Christians will be out there making a difference... by not going to Target.

Monday, December 12, 2005

You've Failed Rusty's and Carrie's Individual Quizzes. . .

Now see how well you know them as a couple!

Take the GLORY!quiz !

And for your photo fun, here's the first digital photo I ever took of Rusty:

Saturday, December 10, 2005

The Sims Family Christmas

I haven't played the Spell Sims in a while, but I thought I'd see how they were doing during the Christmas season.

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Remember that we're old now. Rusty and Carrie being romantical in front of the tree.

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Our oldest daughter stuck around long enough to get this one picture made. She's still preggos. Our new teen sits next to her.

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More romance while the youngest plays some Christmas carols.

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Kissing Rudy.

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MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

When We Was Fab (or: Ghosts of Christmas Past)

Remember when this was our best Christmas picture?



Hooray for the excess of digital. We were pretty cute, though. Oh, were we ever so young?

Carrie and I are both automobiles with empty gas tanks right now, running on the fumes of phone calls and photo books. But all will be well the day after I get to wear my new outfit in public for the first time:

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My Pump.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Google Searches for Rusty Christmas

Hey, How did these guys get in my apartment?


A Children's Book About Rusty


It's Not Christmas Without a Rusty Christmas Tree Topper


I'm running low on energy these days. Just sitting around, waiting for Rusty to show up.

Monday, December 05, 2005

More Holiday Pictures




Me as a cute little boy, back when my hair was still blonde, being Frosty the Snowman.



Carrie and brother Bill. Carrie explained to me that this picture was her asking her mother if they could use this plant for a Christmas tree.



Cute pre-teen Carrie helps with the real Christmas tree.



My older brother Tony and me with Santa Claus.



An alternate GLORY!blog Christmas photo from last year that we've never posted.



Believe it or not, from Christmas. Carrie is my bunny all year round, not just at Easter.



We set up the camera on a table and told it to take pictures of us every thirty seconds as we opened presents. This was my favorite shot.



I get bored and start taking pictures while Carrie Christmas shops this year.



Okay, I snuck some Halloween pictures in here, but no one ever saw this one of Alien Bumble Carrie and her cousin Yvonne.



Another non-holiday photo of Carrie and Lori Rooney.



Carrie looks cute before our Christmas party last year...



... but gets totally hammered during.



The picture I show to all my buddies. From L-R: Carrie, Melanie, me, Pia, and Lori.



At the Pearl Christmas parade. L-R: Jason, Rusty, Noby, Carrie, Tommy.



Picking out the perfect tree was difficult this year, but in the background you can see that Carrie's mom, dad, and brother helped me.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Christmastime of Years Past

Here are me and my brother Billy enjoying our new Christmas toys in 1979. I've got a typewriter, which is the kind of thing that would make people say, "See, you were a born writer." People are always trying to act like they could've predicted your interests/talents that early on You'll notice, however, that my brother did not become a Snoopy motorcycle driver. I like my red Christmas socks.




Here's Rusty and his sister Vicki, also in 1979, posing by the fake fireplace. That Winnie the Pooh stocking, made by Rusty's Aunt Gwen, is now hanging in my apartment. I like how Vicki gets a special Christmas outfit, but Rusty is wearing his own brown. Notice the arrows on his shoes, too.



And here's Christmas 1988 at the Hoffman House. My mom made both of those stockings on the table. My brother is wearing his hipster shirt that he'd probably kill for now, and we've both got our matching sunglasses in the appropriate gendered colors. You can see that I got two headbands, and the bling necklace, in my stocking. My brother is holding up a Garfield bookmark.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Age 20 to 30

Tomorrow will see the release of Age 20 to 30, my compilation album of ten years of solo recording. I'll probably be back next glorypost for more self-promotion, but in the meantime, here are some pictures from my photo shoot for the album cover.



Typical Beatles shot.


David Blaine.


Rusty sits in the air.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

In Which We Prove that Thanksgiving is Really Just the Prelude to Christmas

This is what all our "Thanksgiving" pictures look like --



We've got our tree up! And stockings, too! And Christmas candles and candy bowls and cookie jars and reindeer table runners and snowman rugs! (If anyone knows where the Linus ornament is, please let us know.) And we've also taken our famous yearly Christmas card photo, but you'll have to wait by the mail for yours now won't you? Even Noby's mom is guaranteed to like it.

Here's the song we sung all through Thanksgiving Day: Santa Dog by The Residents.

Monday, November 21, 2005

It's Gettin' Close to Turkey Time!

It's that time of year again . . . Thanksgiving . . . and everyone knows that at this time of year, there aren't enough kids tracing their hands onto brown construction paper. And the Food Channel doesn't show enough of Paula Deen rubbing spices into a big raw turkey, either.

This year Rubby and I are havin' Thanksgivin' in Pearl. He's leaving Texas at five in the morning on Wednesday so he can get here by ten a.m. Then on Tursday we get to eat fried turkey for the first time. I'm a have to start calling myself a hick some time soon.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Your Ad Here

(Don't mind me. I'm just killing time till I can see Care-Bear.)

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Merry Christmas, Kermie

If you're on the lookout for a lovely and nostalgic Christmas album, my favorite childhood Christmas album was John Denver and The Muppets's Christmas Together. It's a big love-fest. Yesterday I realized Rusty had never heard the song Christmas is Coming so I'm posting it for him. You should also listen to their version of The Twelve Days of Christmas, which features Beaker on the ninth day, and everybody knows that Beaker is essentially me.





Here's me and my cousin Yvonne on Christmas in 1991: