Wednesday, September 29, 2004

A Blast from the Past

Here is the first photo ever taken of Rusty and me together, back in January of 2001. Rusty is pretending to be my puppet master. It was an elaborate dance, set to music, I think.



Here's what Rusty did with it after I sent it to him:


Monday, September 27, 2004

Pandamonium!

The great news is that Tom Green's back in the game. His site is up again and he's got an almost-daily blog, sometimes an audio blog (today he did some pretty damn good rappin').

I'm becoming re-obsessed with Pandamonium, the 80s Saturday morning cartoon about pandas and a power crystal (though not the power crystal). Here are some pictures:





Please leave comments about anything you know of this cartoon. One time for the people.

Carrie found an interesting linkie for binkie today. It's funny and interesting stuff about s-e-x.

This is what Carrie and I look like as dogs:



I love her as a dog too. My bitch.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

If Rusty's Leg Were Ever Amputated . . .

I would be his peg leg.



Then we'd cruise the seas in vengeance against the white whale who did this to him.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

More Junk from Rusty

I know the gloryblog isn't the best place to plug myself (plug myself? I barely know me!), but thought you guys (whoever you are) might be interested in seeing various fun trailers to movies I've made. Here they all are, and a couple of movie production company logos.

Also: I made this song for the Fun With Numbers Seven trailer. I think it's pretty, so you should listen to it.

Hope you're all having a happy Yom Kippur.

Finally, a fake album cover. No band in particular. Nothing of mine certainly.



Tuesday, September 21, 2004

In Which I Offer You Links, Which Remind Us of Sausage

For as long as I've known Rusty, I've felt compelled to randomly send him long e-mails full of weird and interesting and useful links that I've found on the web. Sometimes it's because I want to e-mail him and send him Carrie-vibes, but don't have anything in particular to say. Anyway, I want to send you glory vibes tonight, and keep up with our daily update promise, but I don't have anything particular to say . . . so I thought I'd simulate one of those e-mails for you and offer you some stuff I've found lately. Here are the fun links!

If you liked our new Strawberry Explosion single, "Kissy Kissy," and are interested in the bonus songs on the single, you're in luck. I've posted the GLORY version up on my site as an MP3. It's not a remix -- it''s an entirely new song. And when you're done, you will be in the loop when me and Rusty say, "I even wrote it." One day I should maybe do some kind of annotated lyrics page of the song in which I explain all the references.

Check out this boyfriend arm pillow they invented in Japan. When they make a girlfriend one, Rusty and I can go to bed together.

If you are still interested in REM, and I am -- especially since I saw Michael Stipe shake his bon-bon last year -- you can see lyrics, album art, and hear clips of songs from their new album here. You can even get ringtones for your phone, if you're into that sort of thing. One day you should ask Rusty and me to do our "Nokia Ringtone" impression for you. We walked around Disneyworld doing it. The ringtone impression, that is.

A9.com is a cool new search engine from the amazon people. The search itself runs through Google and you get an image and web search on the same page. It also archives all your searches and lets you bookmark sites so you can get them from any computer.

Anatomical.com, where you can buy all of your anatomical needs.

Here is some information about the Boo-Boo Kitty.

Here is Urban Dictionary's definition of boo-boo.

This is my dad's website.

Monday, September 20, 2004

"Carrie" Lekman

So first my new musical recommendation to those who like good music. Jens Lekman, the Swedish superstar to replace Stephin Merritt for hipsters now that he's become too famous. I've put four of his songs up at my Online Mixtape, one from each record I have of his (three are EPs, one is an LP). They're linked here for your lazy convenience.

"Black Cab" -- Maple Leaves EP
"If You Ever Need a Stranger" -- Rocky Dennis EP
"You Are the Light" -- You Are the Light EP
"The Cold Swedish Winter" -- When I Said I Wanted To Be Your Dog

All of these MP3 blogs that are popping up (I'm not one of them, as Carrie correctly notes) is a good enough reason for anyone to get 'em some high speed internet.

Next, a "Carrie" comic:



For those who don't look at our comments, here's a picture of Greedo shooting "Carrie" first, as Photoshopped by Jason Bell.



I suppose that's all, campers. Stay awful.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Randomness Abounds

We promise we'll do better than we have with updating the GLORY!blog, and we'll stop the lazy hand-offs. We want to keep this in the spirit it was intended, which was someone posts every day. We don't want to run you off. Please don't complain, though. The hurricane didn't really give me "time off." It just actually gave me the time I needed to finish Moby Dick. Now that I finished, I've grown a tiny stub of a penis. When I finish Tom Jones next week, my stub will grow a bit. And when I read Ulysses at the end of the semester, I will officially be well endowed and then I will star in gay porn.

Regarding my hurricane: it was fine--the power didn't even go out and I got to talk to Rusty's dad afterward since he was worried about me. I was a little nervous about Ivan since I went through Hurricane Andrew in Miami when I was thirteen. I remember my whole family huddling in the bathroom and hearing all sorts of howling winds and mysterious things banging into the roof. At one point, we peeked out of the bathroom and could see the front door of our house buckling in the middle as the wind pushed it in. The winds blew a huge chunk of wood into our roof and my brother's bedroom was soaked. The power was off and we didn't have any running water for about four days after that and they postponed the opening of school for two or three weeks. I remember being the sweatiest I've probably ever been in my life without air conditioning and having to do lots of work to help fix the house, and then not being able to take a shower. This photo is a pretty classic photo of the aftermath. Here is an area about fifteen minutes from the house where I grew up. My aunt and uncle lived in this area and their condo was totally destroyed. Luckily, they had evacuated and were huddled in our bathroom. This is a long way of explaining why I was nervous about Ivan and why I'm relieved that ye olde Mississippi went unscathed.

I only wish I'd known ahead of time about the days off so I could have planned to buy a plane ticket to see Rusty. But I did buy one for October 15th-19th which is my fall break. It's just enough time so that we look forward to it now, but short enough to drive us crazy with not actually giving us enough time together. At least we won't have phones stuck to our ears. And we'll pobably do a new Strawberry single, this time written by Rusty.

What else? There are some new treats for you out there on the inter-bunny. Rusty posted an MP3 of the ABBA song "Lovelight" on his online mixtape (which isn't a blog, by the way). You should listen and dance to Lovelight because while Rusty and I have a lot of Carrie-Rusty songs, this one might be the most descriptive of what draws us together.

As for me, I put some new drawings up on the Carrie Hoffman Webpage. I think they're getting more and more fancy-looking. I bought a less-complicated version of Photoshop called Adobe Photoshop Elements so now I don't have to use the cheap, freebie graphics programs that came with my computer. I think the new drawings are crisper and better-looking than the older ones. The process of coloring the aliens is also faster and neater since I can use the "color fill" paintbucket feature instead of a slow, painstaking paint brush option. You care deeply about all of this, I know you do.

Oh, and I'm taking French this semester. Here is my homework for tomorrow:



In right-now-as-I-type-news: I've got the E! channel on in the living room, loud enough for me to hear the Britney Spears bio show. I just heard a clip of a director on a video set saying to her, "Rub your butt against him a little bit."

And now back to Rusty.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Her Hurricane

So here's hoping Hoffypants doesn't get blown away in the herrikin [sic].

Everyone should know that I've collected the famous "Carrie" comics featured on this page and put them all here. There are a few "new" things there too--revisions of the old ones. All in one glorious place.

I also put up a Snoopy and the Red Baron page, me scanning in artwork I did at age ten. Feel free to post comments here about how great a kid I was.

So I don't have anything great to write here. I just wanted to hand off to Hoffy since she's got the week off (lucky hurricane-infested bastard) and has plenty of time to post the fun.

Rubby Bulbs

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Today

So I was sitting at home talking to Rusty on the phone last night. He had been cleaning out closets all day and wheezing from it. I had read 800 pages of classic novels all day, and when the phone rang I was making an outline of sorts for a paper I had to write. Neither of us were very happy. The phones hurt our ears. Both of us had more stuff to do today. For example, I had to write papers about Moby Dick and Moll Flanders and memorize some verb tenses and respond to some student freewriting. But we decided we didn't care about our responsibilities. "Fuck those responsibilities in the ass," Rusty said. I said, "You're right, Boo-boo. I don't feel compelled to do any more work when it doesn't contribute to my overall happiness, and when, in fact, it takes away my overall happiness. I don't like it when my brain feels like oatmeal." So we met at the beach today. Rusty took the WEDway there. I drove the Jetta and brought some perfect turkey sandwiches and cold Cokes. We had a really good time. Rusty wore his new Mickey Mouse t-shirt from Disneyworld. We got to hold hands. Sometimes it felt like we were in a Van Gogh painting, only without all the cutting-off-the-ear angst. Here's a picture.



Oh, wait, I drew that in my notebook. I've been writing papers all day. Rusty probably cleaned out more closets.

Well, shit, man.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

The Best Story Ever

"If you don't want to be the jerkface of the gloryblog, you'd better post," Carrie told me, flicking a piece of lint from her pants.

"Okay, but no one reads it anyway," I said. I grimaced.

"Thirteen people checked today," she said matter-of-factly.

"Oh." She had me again. I turned on the computer which gave a satisfying CLICK. I was going to post for her, whether I felt like it or not. I hadn't slept in days--or it felt like it. But here I was, up again, alone, while she slept soundly in our bed.

The day started like any other day. I ate my usual breakfast of sugar cereal and a cup of coffee. Man, I love coffee. I swear, it has crack in it. I swear it does. Suddenly I knew my life had changed forever... when IT BEGAN.

My contact lenses were bothering me again, but I know everyone thought I was crying. Shit, I had plenty of reason to cry. I mean, I'm no pussy or anything, but if someone had you by the short-hairs like this, you'd cry too. You'd cry bloody murder and believe you me.

I was going to kill that damn alarm. BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ! Why do they have to sound like that? BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ! "Okay!!" I yelled to it, as if it could hear me. Sometimes I think inanimate objects are my friends more than people I know. Jerks.

Carrie liked me, and she was pretty, but then again she was also a sand mutant, so it all evened out. I woke up with sand in my butt-crack every morning, and that shit takes TIME to get out. Showers? Nah... try something else. I took tic baths with my dog. My dog was a three-legged canine named "Lucky." We called him that because at least he didn't have only two legs.

"Well, if you had two legs, Lucky, maybe you could learn to walk like us!" my sister used to joke. That was before she died. In the car accident. Shit. I hate cars now. Except my first car. She was a beauty. They don't make 'em like that no more.

So anyways, here I was was typing away when Carrie peered over my shoulder and smelled my hair. "You're using my shampoo again, aren't you, honey?"

Pansy shit. I wouldn't dare. Okay, maybe once, but I was completely out of my man-poo. That's what she calls it. It smells like hickory and dick-after-sex.

"Pia's coming over today," Carrie said. I liked Pia. Maybe too much, and maybe Carrie knew it. She sometimes caught me looking at her shoes under the table, but I think she secretly liked it. She wouldn't dare say.

"Hmmm hmmm." I pretended not to care. The phone rang. "Hello," I said. Obviously. What a jerk-hole I am sometimes. God, I want to kill myself with my own puke and guts.

"Would you like to buy a lightbulb for the blind firefighters of Ethiopia?" a tinny voice said on the other end of the phone, some sort of Sally Struthers wannabe. Bitch. Fat bitch. I couldn't believe her. The NERVE!!!!

"FORGET YOU, ASSSSSSSSSSS!!!" I said, and slammed the phone. Then picked up and said, "I mean it!" I heard her crying, but I didn't care. I was empty inside. No one could touch me and no one wanted to. My shirt had a hole in it and I had a hairline crack on my front tooth, browning.

"Jesusbloodyassholechrist," said Chair Chair. He was a friend of ours from across the street, and he heard me yelling into the phone. "Idiot much?" he said. Why did I put up with these things? Why didn't I move to Bulgaria. Or at least back into my mom's basement. Cheese crackers. Cheese crackers were good there, so rich and orange. That particular orange only found in cheese crackers. If I had them. If I only had them. If.

So the next thing I know, Carrie's driving me across country -- to Fort Worth or some shit -- and when we get back home, Chair Chair and Pia are... you know... watching TV on our couch like they own the damn place. "Hey!" Carrie said, smiling. "Get your own digital."

"Yeah, MTV2 is on," I said, but I was really pissed. A man leaves his castle for three seconds and jeezussss...

Carrie took me by the hand, led me to the kitchen, lifted up her shirt to show me the tatoo on her stomach -- a dwarf -- and then kissed me on the forehead and said, "You know I love you, right? I mean, above all, you know this?"

I knew it. I could face anything with her if I allowed myself. I felt I had really changed.

Friday, September 03, 2004

Things To Know and Enjoy

First of all, you should know about the "Carrie Interviews Rusty / Rusty Interviews Carrie" link and read it. We ask each other all about our musical lives.

Then you should all know that Carrie's birthday is Sunday, since she probably won't tell anyone.

Then you should enjoy the new comic. Showing here.





Glory to the glory.