Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Anticipation

It's true. My mom is the hottest thing around.

It's also true that you can add comments. Rusty and I are glad that Pia commented first. We love Pia and she loves us. We love you, too, so comment. Tell us what you think of our cover art, our songs, what celebrity couples we look like. Or, talk about yourself: that's what we like to do.

The giddy news is that Rusty's coming into town tomorrow to go to Alabama with me. I'm going to tackle him at the airport and then he's gonna read and play music this weekend. That means I'm busy getting all my weekend homework and grading out of the way so we can frolick without worrying about it. That also means I gots to go do stuff now. Leave me encouraging comments.

Maybe tomorrow night there will be a Carrie-Rusty joint post.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Guest Geri Hot Tree

We've got a comment feature now. It's below each post. We felt a little lonely, to be honest. The hit counter helps, but it's nice to hear other voices than ours... just not here in our personal space, because we're selfish that way.

Don't be fooled. Carrie rhymes with Geri, as in Geri from The Facts of Life. That's what Carrie sounds like. As Mrs. Garrett said, "That is so true."

Seriously, Carrie just sounds more like a mumbly Natalie Portman.

By the way, Carrie's mom is still hot stuff, so I'm set if that whole "Here's what she'll look like at this age" thing is true. Why, here's them Hoffmans now.

I'm glad Carrie took down the tree. She can fill the empty space with CDs, like we do with the gap in our souls.

R U S T Y

Un-Decking the Halls

I took my Christmas tree down last night. Rusty and I had fun with it at the end of Dec. and the beginning of Jan., and Rusty actually lit it up over Spring Break. But it is almost April now and even Rusty, all the way in the anal pore of TX, was tired of envisioning it in my living room. I was also embarrassed that the exterminator saw it still up. Here's us before we were tired of it, when it spread the joy:



My mom likes this photo. She put it up on the refrigerator. She hasn't met Rusty yet, but he is winning her over the way he likes to do with people. When I told her about the Valentine package he sent me, she said, "Rusty is a keeper in the romance department!" So I decided to keep him. We like the romance. That will be our new website. Welikeromance.com. Devoted to articles about the glory of eating ice cream on benches and the glory of tractor beams.

Also, I forgot to respond to Rusty's comment that I talk like the stapler-guy from Office Space: I'm stilted and shy, but I'm not retarded. Also, I am a Yankee and therefore misunderstood. Questions don't hurt, Rusty; ignorance does.

More Celebrity Photos

We Might Be They Might Be Giants

I always thought that not only do I look like John Linnell of They Might Be Giants, but that I look even more like him when next to Noby "John Flansburgh" Nobriga.





Rusty the Barbarian

Of course I'm Conan O'Brien.



Concrete

Stephen Malkmus of Pavement. I'm especially him "in motion." Watch the music videos of him and watch me. It's a little scary.



Green: I Thought It Was a Trick Question

And if you fuse Tommy and me together, you get Tom Green (in personality, if not all the time looks).



Oh, and did I mention I hate The Passion of the Christ?


"I didn't even know my belly was showing."

Monday, March 29, 2004

Fun With Celebrities

One of the fun things me and Rusty like to do is compare each other to celebrities. I think I am winning so far in the look-alike game, unless I am forgetting who I've told Rusty he looks like. I'm also winning in that Rusty likes to compare me to some very attractive famous people. Play the game below and try to figure out which photo is Carrie or Rusty and which is the famous person.

Lisa Loeb . . . or Carrie?



Michael J. Fox . . . or Rusty W. Spell



Carrie Hoffman . . . or is it Gaby Hoffmann?



brother of Tony . . . or brother of Macauley?



Portman or Hoffman -- they both talk the same, too



Short . . . or tall?



daughter of Aerosmith rockstar? or cop's daughter?


Carrie Hoffman . . . or CNN news anchor Rudi Bakhtiar?

Interesting Pictures

My pictures of mine and Carrie's spring break adventures are up at Rusty Spell's Photo Album. That's so you can compare them to hers: what we like enough to post and what we don't. And our various scanning methods. You can also go back in time and look at pictures of my baby wee wee.

Sometimes Carrie's scans look better and sometimes mine do. Here's one where hers looks better (hers is the first one):



And here's one where mine looks better (mine the first one):



Really though I just wanted to show that picture. It's my new favorite picture of Carrie. She's a hot bitch, you know. A hot piece of tail.

So I'll play the "interesting" game too. Here's three interesting things about Carrie Hoffman:

1. She sounds kinda like the guy from Office Space whose stapler was stolen.
2. She gets emails from famous comedians.
3. Her Christmas tree is still up.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Meow

People haven't sent us comments on anything from the GLORY!blog, but they should. They should say, "I wish I were in the room with you." Or, "Your songs are good." Or, "We hate you. Shut your yapping about your new CDs." The latter, of course, does not spread the joy.

Rusty is right: my Kafe Night reading went well last night. I got (unexpected) laughter and lots of applause. It turns out that my story was funny even though I thought it was sad. I win because everyone likes a funny reading better than a sad one. And my outfit must have been good, too, because Ray Wachter called me a "hot bitch."

It's almost time for me and Rusty to see each other again. Here's a link to the University of Montevallo's Literary Festival, where Rusty "Honey Bunny" Spell will be reading a story and playing songs on April 3rd.

And of course I realize that Rusty's Mississippi accent and his acute hearing have nothing to do with one another. I just think he says ten and tin cute, and I wanted to brag that he's fancy enough to hear the compression in MP3s. The people need to know these things. I'll probably use the GLORY!blog to tell you interesting things about Rusty that I like. Now you know two.

I Learned We Could Have Real Titles

Of course you realize that my saying "ten" and "tin" the same has nothing to do with my acute sense of hearing. It's just my accent. I got an accent. I'm from Mis'sippi.

That link down there works now. But I'm still a cocktease. Here's all the new music info:


Click here to read about The Strawberry Explosion.


Click here to read about their single "Then He Kissed Me."


Click here to read about The Mnemonic Devices.


Click here to read about their new recording Love Chewed Off Its Leg EP.


Click here to go on a spending frenzy of Rusty CDs. We've got over 50 now.


Click the green dot to listen to The Strawberry Explosion's "Then He Kissed Me."

Click the green dot to listen to The Mnemonic Devices' "Nothing Like Me."

Click the green dot to go to Rusty's Online Mix Tape, where I put a song or week or so for peeps to listen to... of more than just my stuff (usually it's not my stuff). There's a Weezer song up now, for example, and we all like Weezer. We all thank the Lord that he puts fun bands on the earth... like Weezer.

Apparently clh22 did very well at her Kafe Night reading. Aw yeah.

(I'll stop talking about our music stuff after a while and get back to more solid glorybloggin'. I have to be excited for a few days though.)

Friday, March 26, 2004

Fun With Rusty

If you want to have fun with Rusty, ask him to say "ten" and then "tin." You'll hear no difference. And yet Rusty has such an acute sense of hearing that he can hear the compression in MP3 music files. Me, I got no clue. I have trouble shaking the egg on the right beat. I had to watch Rusty tap his foot so I could shake the egg every time I saw his black shoe come down on the carpet. When I was in high school I got kicked out of a drama performance that involved synchronized marching. But I had to shake the egg because I needed an instrument credit on the new single because I gots to be involved beyond the vocals. One day Rusty will teach me the drums.

Make sure to tell Rusty he's a cocktease for posting a link to the Love Chewed Off Its Leg EP when the page doesn't even exist yet. I was all clicking on the link and feeling disappointed this morning.

Also, don't forget the Carrie Hoffman fun tonight -- I'm reading my story "Keep Still" at 7 pm in the Liberal Arts Building at USM, room 103. As Rusty said, I will dress up and be fancy. Skirt and heels are planned. Don't be late because I will be early.

And finally, here is a photo of little joyous Annie McKenna, daughter of my pal Shauna, in a Carrie-made Scruffy Designs alien t-shirt:

I Forgot a Title

If it weren't so late, you could spend even more money on Carrie and Rusty musical goodness. My most famous band, The Mnemonic Devices, released a new EP today. It's so new that I haven't updated stuff on my pages yet. It's five songs. Carrie sings one by herself, I sing one by myself, I lead on two others with Carrie on backing, and she leads on one more with me on backing. (For some reason I felt the need to explain that.) This is a picture of us recording it in Carrie's closet, where all the magic is made.

It's called Love Chewed Off Its Leg EP. If you click on that link too early, it won't work... so just click again later. I'm posting links before I make them, for fun.

So the GLORY!blog is growing, but before you get too behind, here are some things you should do:

1. Click on the "Click for Inspiration" link (or right click to download) and listen to the short MP3. You need to do this above all.
2. Visit our websites. Spend a day with Carrie's and a couple of months with mine.
3. Write us to tell us how much you enjoy the joy.
4. Visit our other links.
5. Take a look at The Strawberry Explosion page and then buy a single. Do this about once a month.
6. Take a look at The Mnemonic Devices page and then buy the new EP. If you're here because you're a fan of Carrie, you can go ahead and buy Sparkling Objective Correlatives on which Carrie sings two songs and did the cover art. That stuff's over at Love and Letters Music. Soon we'll have easier links for all this stuff related to the both of us.
7. If you have the abilities to make us famous, fall in our laps. This goes for stories and music especially.
8. Listen to that MP3 again.

So here's the last few movies that Carrie and I watched together.

* Vernon Florida -- Errol Morris goodness. The original Cooter Ray movie.
* Gates of Heaven -- All dogs go to heaven.
* Spellbound -- Interesting spelling bee documentary.
* Titanic -- My brother tied us up and forced us.
* The Cooter Ray Movie -- Another salute to racism.
* Blackbeard's Ghost -- A Robert Stevenson 1960s Disney classic! We had one of those days where we only rented movies whose boxes had been bleached out by the sun. You know what I'm talkin' 'bout up in here.
* The Dirt Bike Kid -- Peter Billingsly rides again.
* Pete's Jargon -- Or "Dragon," if you prefer. That dragon ain't the love sweet love.

Here's a song we like: "Tropical Iceland" by the Fiery Furnaces. But mostly the single version, not the album version. Remember, we're pushing the beauty of singles here.

The thing is, I mention all this stuff because you know we're your heroes. You know you'd like to be like us, so as a start you should just follow our entertainment patterns. I got a four of a kind at video poker and won all sorts of crazy money, so I know what I'm talking about. Sometimes Carrie dresses up. She's getting dressed up to read a story tomorrow night. She reads good. She opens her mouth and everything. Coke is good with food.

Well, I better go so I'm not late for fourth period. Miss Coleman is a jerk. She makes us rip out David Lynch articles from the Time magazine. LYLAS!

Rubby Bulbs.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Buy Our New CD

Rusty and I discussed the peeing/toilet seat thing on the phone last night, but I guess we're done doing that here, this being the blog of glory and joy and all that.

I'm excited about The Strawberry Explosion -- Rusty and I think you should buy all of our singles. If you are a person who fills your empty soul with cd purchases, why not puchase some joy? And if you buy singles, you get lots of joy! And our first single is only TWO bucks. For that you get the single version, the remix, the indie rock version, the karaoke version, the a capella version, and my favorite, the chipmunk version.

Some updated Rusty and Carrie news is that my reading in San Antonio, Texas has been set for Saturday, April 10 at 10 a.m. in the Marriott Rivercenter. I bought my plane ticket last night. Rusty and I will be in Edinburg on Thursday, the 8th, and then staying at the San Antonio Marriott on Friday and Saturday night, frolicking around San Antonio during the day, maybe hanging out with my college roommate, Courtney, one night. We'll head back to the McAllen airport on Sunday for hugs and goodbyes.

Don't forget to buy our new single.

Oh, and here's a Mexican ground squirrel drinking a coke -- Rusty and I like both Coke and Mexican ground squirrels:

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Then He Kissed Me

Only messy men pee with the toilet seat down. Our aim isn't that great with it up. We need wide gaping holes. Wide and gaping. How often do you have to go so badly that you can't take one second to lift a seat? That's like complaining about the door for the women's room being closed. Okay. We're talking about this subject. That's enough. Enough for me anyway. I'm out.

Now the real stuff...

The glory is glorious with the new band The Strawberry Explosion. That's me and Carrie. We released a single. You can buy it and everything.

We'll also have an EP out soon from The Mnemonic Devices. "Soon" means "this week." Today was the day to finish up the Explosion.

So go read all about the Strawberries. You should get excited about it.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Four Headers

The deal with Toilet Seats
Men can pee into a toilet even if the seat is down...so if they're rushing to pee, they can still do it without worrying about losing precious time with the toilet seat. If the seat is up, and a woman has to go badly, she *has* to stop and put it down -- if she doesn't she will fall into the toilet water. Also, women have fanciful and irrational whims and demands, and we must be catered to.

Taxes
My dad files mine for me. He insists on it, like he insists on washing my car when he comes to visit.

Upcoming Carrie Event
Carrie will read a story at Kafe Night in the Liberal Arts Building at USM this Friday at 7:00 PM. Rusty won't be there, but you should.

What Rusty and Carrie Like
We like Alyson Stoner, the dancing girl from the Missy Elliott videos. She brings the joy.

Monday, March 22, 2004

Brackish Water

Oh yes. I forgot that in addition to being white, straight, and skinny, I'm also a man. That's the stand-up quadrangle... unless I'm forgetting something. Oh, I am: I'm a southerner. That's the only "strike" against me. For everything else I am, it's nothing but perks.

Stand up lesson #1. The difference between...

* A man and a woman -- Men leave the toilet seat up. Not only a joke, but a real issue. And a real dumb one. Why isn't it seen that women leave the toilet seat down? Someone's got to move the seat somewhere, right? I can only guess it's a chivalrous old-fashioned thing, that men cater to the women? This is a joke/male-female issue I've never figured out. (The other joke I don't understand is the one about sitting around the house.)

* A white person and a black person -- White people like green vegetables. Black people eat "funky" stuff that whiteys wouldn't understand.

* A straight person and a gay person -- Straight people are uptight. Ironically, since we less often have things "up our butts."

* A skinny person and a fat person -- Skinny people are evil and dumb. We've obviously made a deal with the devil, and the deal is most likely that he's taken our intelligence.

* A southerner and a northerner -- Southerners are stupid hillbillies who don't wear shoes and sleep with their sisters or pet pigs. But what's so wrong with that? And my sister is a pig, so it's so convenient!

End of lesson.

I forgot about The Lord of the Rings. That's the big one. I adore that movie/those movies. Everyone else does, too, so I'm typical, but I can't help it. I'm also, in an even more typical mood, re-reading the books (read them once in junior high). They're better this time around, since my 14 year old brain was too mushy then to keep everything straight.

I might not like some of Carrie's movies when I get around to watching them. I'm supposed to watch In the Bedroom and Breaking the Waves, but they just look so depressing. I base a lot on video boxes. Anything with shirtless people in the bed is a no-no for me, for example. I know what's up with that: people lying around shirtless loving each other and then getting upset and complaining about problems. Where's the lasers, I ask you. I am a walking beach ball.

Tonight I'm thinking of watching my recent purchase of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? if that gives you an idea.

I just filed my taxes for free online and it was fun. Clicking little "yes" and "no" buttons. I even attempted to itemize, but it ended up not working out to my advantage anyway... But I did it, and I'm proud.

UPCOMING RUSTY AND CARRIE EVENTS:

* First weekend of April -- Rusty does story reading in Montevallo Alabama, followed by a musical performance. Potential back-up band (a first), but don't count on it. Carrie cheers.

* Second weekend of April -- Carrie does story reading in San Antonio Texas. No musical performance that I know of. Rusty cheers.

And finally... butt plug.

Carrie Posts Second

I'm Carrie. This is a me sitting on the dragon that ate the love sweet love:



About me: The stand-up comedians would say that I'm a woman and therefore irrational and demanding and not as interested in sex as men. I live in Mississippi so I'm racist and I drink sweet tea.

Here's a movie Rusty forgot:

*Lord of the Rings - Rusty like, Carrie thinks of screeching horses (though she promises she'll give it a second chance one day).

As we share our tiny differences, you may want to take sides. You may be my friend and say, "Carrie's so right - 28 Days Later was so awful that me and J. Todd left after twenty minutes and got dinner." But this blog is not about taking sides. It's about spreading the joy.

Speaking of joy, two friends of mine got engaged over Spring Break. I'm not sure if it's public yet, so I won't say their names, but congratulations to them.

Rusty Posts First

So of course everyone should look on our links to the right. You can visit our individual pages if you like or even our "other links" page, but mostly you should click on the inspirational song. You'll want to listen to this every morning to feel happy, and also I would advise listening to it on repeat while reading the GLORY!blog.

Oh, hi. I'm Rusty. This is the introduction to me. I'm white, straight, and skinny, which are the most important things about me according to stand-up comedians.

We might stick some more links over there for you to enjoy in the future. Like lists, for example. The one we have in mind is movies we've seen that we don't agree on. Here are the ones that I know of:

* From Dusk Till Dawn -- Rusty like, Carrie don't like.
* 28 Days Later -- Rusty like, Carrie don't like.

Most of the time we like the same stuff, more or less. I like more, she like less; or she like more, I like less. I suppose the idea is spreading the joy by showing how small the list is. I can only think of two right now.

I hope you like the picture of me. I plan on posting random pictures here to make everyone happy. I'm serious about this joy thing, people.

Rusty.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Whiskers and a Zit, or: How to Enjoy the GLORY!blog

This will be the last post from Carrie-Rusty for a while -- Carrie has to go back to Lettucetown to teach and Rusty has to stay in Dinkytown to teach. So from now on, they will post separately as Carrie and as Rusty in a "dialogue" of sorts. Here's how it will work: Carrie will say something witty and Rusty will respond with a butt plug joke. Or, Rusty will say something smart about music and Carrie will respond with, "Yeah, but how did they know to put that plinky part in there?" You can send comments via e-mail and Carrie or Rusty will decide whether to add them to the GLORY!blog. Always, there will be the joy. Okay, kids. Until April when Carrie-Rusty reunite.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Welcome the GLORY!blog

There aren't enough blogs in the world. Like this one. Carrie exists, and so does Rusty, so why shouldn't their blog? Glory! The GLORY!blog, in fact.

We're here to spread the joy. Sometimes we do it at Wal-Mart (though not the one in Edinburg, which sucks) and sometimes we do it while sitting in chairs in the center for writers. And sometimes we do it at Blockbuster, where we tell loud jokes. (We do that in airplanes, too. We like to win people over.) The UPS people do not understand our joy.

All of these posts won't be inside jokes, but most of them probably will, but we'll try to make it so you will enjoy them anyway. We sort of wanted people to be able to comment to our posts, but since Bloggyfrog doesn't do that, we'll just let you email us and say, "Thanks for spreading the joy. You guys are cute."

Little Bow Bow, you just don't know...

Love,
Carrie & Rusty.