Thursday, November 04, 2004

Nelly's Gonna Kill Y'all for Electing the Wrong President, America!

And now my concession speech:

You hear a lot from the President-Elect about my father's penchant for cocktail shrimp, and though my concession speech is supposed to be conciliatory, I must speak out. Yes, Leonard likes the cocktail shrimp. But ask not what he likes, ask what he does not like. The answer is nothing. Well, maybe anything coffee-flavored. But the point is, he will lovingly describe his last Lean Cuisine meatloaf meal. He is that dedicated to food. He shows no partisanship between "good" and "bad." He does not distinguish between "gourmet" and "average." This mischaracterization has allowed my opponent to distort my record, which I would like to reiterate for you, the dumb-ass American voters who I have a lot more money and education than. I would have a crack pipe for every child under my plan, whereas my oppenent would give them "books" and "computers." I would behead more Americans in the middle East. Every day would be a holiday like 9/11 if I were in office.

Nevertheless, we must come together as a union and support our new president. President Bush (He Wants Some) will be doing a lot for you at his vacation apartment in Texas. We need to support him so that the terrorists don't win.

By the way, did you ever notice how much Obama seems like Osama with one different letter?